Tuesday, August 21, 2012

From Bad to Worse

Morning Readers,

     You know what they say, "When life totals both your cars, make lemonade." They don't? You can't make lemonade out of a car?

Well, Paula Dean and I are gonna have to have a little talk.

By now, all of you know that the new van we bought a couple of weeks ago was fatally love-tapped by another driver. What you don't know is life doesn't seem to have much regard for our personal property right now, and came back to claim anything else that may be drivable in our house.

Call from Husband on Saturday: "Hi, umm...I'm sitting on the side of the highway."

Answer from tired wife: "It's safer to be in a car when you're on the highway. So says the the secret order of the opossums."

Husband: "Someone just sideswiped me and totaled the other car."

Veeeeery Pregnant Wife: "Umm..."

Husband: "So, that's that."

Woman trying hard not to lose all strength and birth baby on the kitchen floor: ....

Husband: "You still there?"

Wife: "Yes, just giving my uterus the old, "Just hang in there because every cloud has a silver lining, which is like your lining, which needs to stay in tact to keep the baby in until we can completely overhaul our financial situation" pep talk. Be with you shortly."

Readers, I hate the fact all I've been posting about lately has been our cars, but it seems the universe has deemed that to be the only suitable blog fodder I be granted.

Fact: This baby could fall out today.

Fact: We've at least found another van.

Fact: Yesterday, I had this conversation with the adjuster for our, now totaled, four door work car.

"Hi, this is Jennifer. Just letting you know you're car is a total loss and we'll be giving you five dollars and a Tootsie Pop."

"Actually Jennifer, I think I'd have better luck buying a new car with the half-eaten fruit snack I found stuck to the bottom of my foot this morning."

"I see."

"Yeah, we're not settling on this until the pregnant lady is perfectly happy. Mmm 'k? Actually, if I were you, I'd take a sick day tomorrow. Because I've got two minutes left on my phone, and all two of them will be used to find a price we can agree on. If I have to re-charge my minutes before they renew at midnight, I will sneak into your offices, like a feral cat, and give birth on someone's desk."

So, if I'm a little slow at getting around to everyone's blog or responding to all of your much-appreciated and awesome comments this week, it's only because I'm going round for round with yet another insurance company...or giving birth on someone's desk. If I make the evening news, you'll probably figure out which course of action seemed to be the most effective.

Until Next Time, Readers!