Thursday, August 30, 2012

What You Packin'?

"Sick? No, the water bottle just helps me deal with all the great ideas you have while I'm pregnant."
Afternoon Readers,

I think it's only healthy to encourage one's husband to seek out hobbies. After all, I think, between detailing the bottom of the toilet and folding everyone's underwear, another hobby would be too much for me. Then again, if the budgeting works out in my favor this month, I think I might just jump on that Paint By Numbers course I saw they're holding at the Senior Center.

But, that's only if I'm good and don't burn all my "me time" on killing spiders in the laundry room.

So, when Husband said he'd like to join a skeet shooting team, and practice once a week, I couldn't say "no".
Shooting is manly.
Shooting is a skill.
Shooting says, "I can protect this family if the need arises. Like zombies, or a Nickelback concert gets setup too close to our house."

So, naturally, when Husband got home last night from his first session, the one thing I expected him to say was,

...."I need a fanny pack."

I rolled my beached self over on the couch. "What's wrong, Liza, you jealous because all the other guys' wives bought them new tights and we had to buy groceries instead?"

"No, I need something to carry my shells in, and I think that would be best."

"I agree. That would be best. But plutonium's so expensive, and I think it's just irresponsible to leave the kids here so we can go all the way back to 1992 again."

"Would you just come over here and pick one out with me?"

"Sure, but I don't think they even make them anymore. So the trip from the couch to the table may be risking my water breaking for a horrible fashion choice."

Husband smiled and pointed the computer, where Amazon already had a selection up and ready: striped ones, neon ones, ones that only back alley Tae Bo video tape sellers would see and say, "Now this blue spandex leotard won't seem nearly as out of place when I'm running errands or relaxing in my Papazan chair."

After a few minutes of looking, Husband picked out something decent...and I use the word "decent" so very loosely. "It's great."

"It was twenty dollars."

"Maybe I should have gotten the one that was for sale for a penny."

"Maybe you should've. But now I won't feel so bad when I buy that three hundred dollar vcr I saw on ebay."

In case you didn't pick up on it, today's status reads as such:

Baby: no baby
Fanny Pack: bought
Readers: worried about priorities at Kellerman household

Until Next Time, Readers!


31 comments:

  1. I applaud your husband's choice of hobby. This country is plagued with skeets and it's about time someone did something about the ever-growing skeet overpopulation problem.

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    1. That's what I said. Because, once the skeets take over, what hope do we really have?

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  2. I have to say it's refreshing to hear about men that take up such manly hobbies as skeet hunting. None of that video game crap for manly men! Give 'em a fanny pack and a skeet! And then a Klondike bar.

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    1. Exactly. And I would totally give him a Klondike bar if I hadn't eaten them all by myself. Six to a package just isn't enough.

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  3. If he gets a big enough fanny pack, he can carry your baby in it until it's ready to be born!!

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    Replies
    1. Yes! Why didn't I think of that? I mean, it looked like it zipped securely..hmmm

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  4. Laughing out loud (I'm sick of writing LOL) at this post! My 9yo is sitting next to me asking what's so funny. You know what they say, a fanny pack and skeet shooting go together like a horse and carriage. Everybody knows that!

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    1. I'm looking to move past LOL some time in the future as well, so I applaud you...I wanted to type it so bad right there...oh what the heck...LOL. I wasn't aware of the fanny pack side of things, but I am now. Although, I'm a little frightened at what else this sport requires that I don't know about.

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  5. In 1997, my groom and I were engaged in Rome and then traipsed across Europe for nine more days celebrating our newly committed love.

    We have photos to document this momentous trip.

    In each and every one, we are wearing fanny packs.

    Ain't love grand?

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    Replies
    1. Well, in 1997 we all would've been like, "I love that you guys have fanny packs, for you are young and hip." So you see, no harm done there. Sometimes love is a fanny pack...or letting your husband buy one a decade or so later.

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  6. Is it weird that this is one of the most favorite things of yours I have ever read ever? Literal out loud laughing at the Tae Bo/blue spandex/papasan chair.

    Dude.

    You are a genius!

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    1. Thanks mam! But no genius here. Just a woman wondering how she'll be sharing space in her house with a brand new fanny pack.

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  7. Hey Paige, I somehow got out of the habit of reading your blog for a while. I'm back, and happy to find it's still funny as ever. For Christmas, consider giving the husband a vest with lots of pockets for his shells. Keep up the great blogging! Lisa

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    1. A vest! This gives me hope and also helps me check off what he's getting for Christmas this year. I'm glad you're coming by more often. I need an idea woman...:)

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  8. I think someone at Amazon already bought that penny fanny pack and sold it to your husband for $20.00.

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    1. Jean, I know you're right. The good news is, when we're done using it, we'll be able to sell it back for a penny...*sigh*

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  9. I can't stop laughing at, "'But plutonium's so expensive, and I think it's just irresponsible to leave the kids here so we can go all the way back to 1992 again.'"

    My husband for this "great chair" when he went unsupervised to WalMart one day, and came home to excitedly describe it to me, insisting we needed one or two or maybe a zillion to replace every chair in the house. I made him describe it several times because I couldn't believe my ears, but indeed, it was a papazan. A collapsable one, no less, because otherwise they aren't stupid and ugly and dangerous enough.

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    1. Well, no want wants child services knocking on their door because they've left and gone time traveling again. I hear the paperwork is just atrocious.

      I didn't even know they made Papasan chairs still until I looked it up online. I say get one for every member of the family....or perhaps just one so you and the husband can have extra no personal space while watching movies together...no?

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  10. I always laugh because of the British meaning of the word "fanny."

    Kellerman Baby? Get thee out on Sunday! I demand it!

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    1. I wish. This can only go on for so long. Right? Right???

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  11. HAHAHAHAHAHA! $300 VCRs and Papsans...Oh, how I miss the 80s and 90s! Have you seen the spider-web-esque papsans at Target? I was shopping there when I over-heard a micro-sized college co-ed complain that she would probably break it...Somehow I resisted the urge to slap her skinny face and tell her to enjoy life and her skinny butt before she has a couple of children and it all goes to pot!

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    1. Yeah, if anyone's gonna break one of those delightful chairs, it's going to be me when I try it out at the store and have to pay for two pieces of a once-functioning Papsan chair. Then again, if I show them my stretch marks, maybe they'll be inclined to give me a discount?

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  12. All of your comments are cracking me up. And Paige, I'm sorry that in the late stages of your pregnancy, your husband has grown ovaries. If he wants a man-purse or murse for Christmas, it may be time to make sure he's not wearing your underwear.

    Good luck!!
    Baby Kellerman!!! Be born already!!

    Teri
    Snarkfest

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    Replies
    1. I'll admit, it wasn't the first thing I thought I'd hear, but what to do? That said, he's so much thinner than me at this point, people would think he was wearing a tent if he so much as tried anything I own on.

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  13. I have an extra fanny pack from a Halloween costume and a husband who goes shooting a lot but he has never asked for a fanny pack.....

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    1. Well, he does know you have the one on reserve from Halloween, so he probably won't ask for it, if he ever needs it. He'll just show up with it on one day, and tell you he's joined a skeet shooting team. This may be speculation.

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  14. It's too bad my Delorean is in the shop and that your baby is still in your fannypack. This post made me want Tang.

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  17. Too funny! I bet he's rocking that fanny pack.

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