Tuesday, September 11, 2012

How We're Doing...on a scale of one to ten

Morning Readers,

First off, thank you so much for all the well-wishes and words of kindness you've thrown our way; they're the only things I cling to while wandering half-blind around our house at three in the morning. I should probably start clinging to a flashlight, now that I think about it.

Doc Holiday has settled in. This means a.) I can sleep on my back again, and b.) never sleeping again.

...but if I could sleep again, it would so be on my back. *plops post-it into dreams and wishes box creaky from under-use*

It's been the general chaos of bringing a brand-new baby into the house, but the only real way to give you an accurate depiction of what the Split-level is like these days, is to give you the status report on a scale of one-to-ten:

Kellerman Status Report 

1.) The number of times I don't shower every day.

2.) The number of times I've wanted to cry

3.) The number of times I've actually cried. And why shouldn't I? Today, Husband left us...just left us. I called him and yelled, "What right do you have to abandon us in our time of need? You can't just up and leave in the wee hours of the morning. I just had a baby. Enjoy your new life without us."

To which, he replied. "I just got to work. Have a good morning and take all the pills the doctor sent home."

4.) Number of times I've blown things out of proportion.

5.) Number of times the twins have run into the baby's room, screaming, "Is he awake?"

And I've had to say, "He is now."

6.) Number of new games the twins have thought up since the baby came home. This includes favorites such as:

"I learned how to scream everything I say, while you were in the hospital"

"Look, I pooped and stuck my hand in it, so you'll have to figure out if you want to keep feeding the baby or stop me from wiping it on the dish towels and silverware." (This game is also known by its other name, "Contamination".)

"We're licking all the baby bottles."

"I pooped, the baby pooped, we all pooped at the same time."

7.) Number of times Sundance has said, "Damn it," after learning it from an unknown source. Because it definitely wasn't from me...nope...not from me. *uses slight of hand to direct you attention elsewhere*

8.) Number of times I haven't brushed my hair in the last week.

9.) Number of hours I've slept, total, in the last three days.

10.) number of times I've looked at the baby and thought, "Ehh, you're still worth it."

Oh, and before I forget, a shout-out to my friend, Meredith, over at Mom of the Year for mentioning me in her post about someecards.com. She did a fantastic job of picking hysterical ones for your enjoyment. Head on over and introduce yourselves. You can thank me for the awesome blog find, later.

Until Next Time, Readers!






26 comments:

  1. I'm so happy that you had a healthy/hefty little Kellerbaby and even happier that you were able to have him via c-section! I will be extra nice and not rub in how many hours I get to sleep in and how I get to pee by myself all the time. Good luck with adjusting to the new baby and congrats for what must be an absolutely adorable baby boy!

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    1. After I saw how big he was, I, too, was extremely grateful they took him out for me. Fo real.. And thank you for the encouragement. I'll need you to keep that coming for the next twelve months or so. I'd also like to request a few compliments and a pound of the best chocolate you can find in Ireland...;)

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  2. All I have to say is: Step 1-Nurse Child, Step 2-Have several drinks really quickly.

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    1. Luckily, this hoss is bottle fed. From the looks of it, if I were breastfeeding, he'd start around 12am and finish his first feeding around 11:59pm.

      Also, I've already rendezvoused with several Newcastle's this week. Oh, Beer, how I've missed you.

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  3. I've been in your shoes, and I feel your sleep-deprived pain. There's a reason they use sleep deprivation as a torture method. At least you're still hysterical and get used to the pooping thing - as soon as all four of my older children are home from school, it's like a mad rush to use the two toilets in the house. Even the baby gets in on the action in his diaper. It's crazy!

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    1. When it comes to torture, I'm pretty sure sleep deprivation is all you need. Husband's been pretty great about letting me go to bed early, though, so I'm still up and running the next day. They're so worth it, but I'll be happy when I can see straight again. It'll make typing easier...:)

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  4. This, too, shall pass--unfortunately, I have NO idea when!!

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    1. You know what this means, Fishducky? Three kids, instead of two, headed your way for summer vacation next year. You've got all winter to start nailing things down. You also might want to warn Bud.

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  5. Been there, lived it, there are poop stains to prove I chose to keep feeding the baby.

    Hugs! If I were closer I'd come over and take your screamers outside for a bit.

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    1. Oh, I know you know all too well. If you lived closer, I'd be in your kitchen, drinking wine by now. *picks up wine glass and heads towards your blog*

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  6. Have you watched Jim Gaffigan???? He is a comedian. His wife just had their 4th child and someone asked them what it was like having a fourth child. He said, "Well, imagine your drowning and......someone hands you a baby." ha. Dying of laughter.

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    1. I LOVE Jim Gaffigan. That's my favorite line from his last special. Every time I hear it, it makes me laugh till I cry .

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  7. Ah, that takes me back. I'd say it gets better, but if you'll excuse me, the baby is dipping her Cheez-Its in the cat's water dish.

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    1. Why must they dip things in the water dishes? If I pull Sundance out of the dog's water bow, one more time, I think I might go rock back and forth in my room for a while.

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  8. Ah Paige, I have been in your place. My twins were 18 months old when my third was born. The good thing about three so close in age is that you're never bored, that's for sure! When I had mine, we were living in a rental house that was basically one room, so that helped (what did NOT help was that my husband was in residency and gone for 48 hours at a time, so I feel your pain). Just put up gates and trap 'em all in. And get good at feeding baby while walking around the house. I'm impressed actually that you found time to blog. Yay, you!

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    1. 48 hours at a time is a really long time. I only have to make it through the day, so you're now my hero. I'm currently working on the art of holding the baby, feeding him, and running behind the twins to clean up pee and whatever else they've decided to drop on the carpet in the way of mystery liquids.

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  9. Paige,

    This post definitely brought back memories. And I think that the notes you made are so true! Making such a mental list was all that I could do when suddenly the equilibrium between us and our older son was disrupted with baby #2. After all, noting the times I did or didn't get to do this or that part of one's normal routine was all that I, personally, had energy for during this time. And it was important to remember that all is temporary and will soon get much much easier. Enjoy your baby!!!

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    1. I think my brain may just exist in mental lists right now. Somehow, "showering", "sleeping", and "wearing clean clothes" keep missing any of those lists. Maybe I should try Post-its?

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  10. "We all pooped at the same time" is a game my kids also like to play but their all time favorite is, "20 minutes left for mom to get us out the door and in the car, how many diapers can we fill"

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    1. That's the worst! When we all get to the car and actually get everyone buckled in on time, I pray that no one poops themselves. After we hit the road, you just have to wait till we get there. A race against the clock, I tell ya.

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  11. I read this on my phone yesterday and you had me laughing out loud. Your writing always makes my day brighter :)

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    1. Thanks, Veal! Likewise! You're a peach, as usual...:)

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  12. You poor thing. Sleep depervation is the worse. It's one of the reasons there are four years between our kids. We weren't sure we wanted to try again because we were so tired. The first one never let us sleep - for that long! Second one, slept through the night like a dream. But she's a horror in her own way. Something to kee an eye out for, I was really good about the first baby book but slacked when the second kid came because I was so busy with their schedules and so tired. My kid noticed last week and wanted to know why a lot of the information wasn't filled in. Oops :O Don't follow my example.

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  13. I'm sorry I missed the birth of the baby and sending well wishes! things have been cray cray because I started back to work, but congrats and as always, your posts crack me up!

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  14. Loved the way you described being a new mom. So creative! Really enjoyed reading. Mine are all grown but it was fun to read and remember those days when they were babies. Hang in there, it gets better and better.

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