Thursday, September 27, 2012

Late Nights: Saying "Yes" to Justin Timberlake and "No" to An Inappropriate Relationship With Justin Bieber

"It's ok, girl. I know it's just the sleepless nights and lack of hair appointments. Those roots are fierce."
Morning Readers,

Probably the hardest part of having a baby is trying not to watch too much YouTube. The second is remembering not to let your strawberry ice cream melt next to the computer, because that stuff is super expensive if you don't buy the off-brand, "Tastes Just Like Strawberry, Sometimes".

And before you think my priorities are completely askew, I'm well aware the third hardest part is figuring out how to smuggle all those litte cups of tapioca pudding out of the hospital.

I'm not an idiot.

But, back to YouTube.

As my ice cream melted, and I listened to the sounds of Doc finally sleeping in his swing, I realized, too late, I'd been sucked into the plethora of videos I'd been using to keep myself awake. A decent dabbling in Maroon 5 had turned into an ugly corner, right into the intersection of Bieber Street and Questionable Way. And, as I watched his latest video, I realized something horrible;

Justin Bieber is trying to turn himself into jail bate....

I say "trying" because I'm not fully convinced yet. While I stabbed at an unnaturally large strawberry, I made an imaginary spreadsheet. Traditionally, Justin Timberlake has always been my pop prince and father of my children if I want to confuse the secretary at the doctor's office.

But, I needed to weigh the differences before I made a ridiculous switch at twelve-thirty in the morning:

A Case For Bieber

1.) In his latest video, Bieber claims he wouldn't care if we were homeless; We'd still be together. Unfortunately, I think he's saying this because he's never been homeless. I hear it's uncomfortable, and I at least, need a futon to sleep on. No futon. No deal.

2.) I noticed he's developed the ability to almost see over the steering wheel of various expensive vehicles. This is appealing, as I have a weakness for nice cars, but I also have a weakness for riding in the passenger seat while it looks like the car's driving itself.

3.) Bieber's a good dancer, but I have feeling I'm a little taller than he is. This will potentially make it akward if we ever need to spontaneously break out in a two-four time waltz, dressed entirely in leather and distressed t-shirts, in the middle of Aldi. People tend to notice when the girl's taller than the guy.

4.) I'd be sharing a crush with my eleven-year-old sister. Hmm... though not clearly defined, that may fit into the "negative" category.

5.) He's eighteen. And we all know what that means. I'll be able to fill him in on what was happening the decade before he was born.

And now....

A Case For Justin Timberlake

1. He wins because he's Justin Timberlake.

Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:

I'm glad I could put this to rest for everyone.

Until Next Time, Readers!