Thursday, September 13, 2012

Morning, You Are the Ike to My Tina

"Today's post is brought to you by Insomnia. Because nothing says,"I think I'm dying," like Insomnia. Back to you, Paige."
Morning Readers,

I'm not sure if it's safe to blog if you've only slept for and hour and a half, but it was either that or begin weeping uncontrollably in the middle of the floor. At least, this way I get to publish content that devalues the internet a little more and saves me from having to wipe the first layer of dirt off the wood laminate...because it took a family effort to build that dirt. And when Hoarders finally shows up to film here, I want something that looks dull and un-waxed on camera, besides my face.

Last night, Doc Hoiliday decided he'd just stay up all night. I suspect this was because he couldn't poop. I can't hold this against him, as I've had this same problem, but it made for a long night of me staring into space, wondering when I won't look six months pregnant anymore, and listening to random Adam Levine songs, who, annoyingly, never looks six months pregnant.

And since he didn't father any of these children, I can never forgive him that...

But it wasn't all bad. I've started a diary chronicling my observations during the night. And now, an excerpt:

Sept. 13, 2012

Dear Journal,

1:00am Observed the leaves on the trees look same in the dark as in the light, just a darker shade of green.

2:30am Did you know, if you dance along the line of sleeping and waking just so, you'll see a giant spider crawling down the couch, jump up screaming, and start beating the crap out of your blanket, before you realize that hallucinations aren't just for people on meth, anymore?

3:00am Took a trip to the kitchen. Stack of bills on counter seem to be as unpaid in the dark as they are in the light. Will continue to monitor the situation.

4:30am Coughed too hard. May have pulled a stitch. Have already met deductible. A second stay-cation in the hospital seems imminent. (Side note: miss the pears they brought me in little bowls. Go shopping for pears and little bowls.)

5:00am Dozed off and was awakened by the majestic calls of cockatoo outside. Baffled, as cockatoos are not native to Kansas. Also, what I heard may have been me waking up screaming again.

7:00am Baby has eaten for the third time and there's either a production of Lord of the Flies going on upstairs, or the twins are awake. Will stay still and hope everyone thinks I'm a throw pillow. Morning, you are the Ike Turner to my Tina.

Sincerely,

Paige

Until Next Time, Readers!




28 comments:

  1. Ack...how well I remember the days! My only consolation is that it'll get better...eventually. Then you'll hit the teen years. But I probably shouldn't mention that right now.
    Karen

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    1. As long as when they're teenagers they sleep past six am, I think we'll get along ok...I think. But then they wanna drive your cars, don't they?

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  2. Oh you document so well the random thought patterns of a mother to a newborn. Sigh. I was starting to get the baby bug again and then I read your blog. Oh wait, that's probably not very nice of me to say, huh? But oh how quickly we forget the terrors of those early days!

    Hang in there! Wish I could say more than "this too shall pass," but I know twice over that that's the most annoying thing to hear when you're not sleeping.

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    1. Hahaha...hopefully I'm not scaring anyone off from having another baby, but I will advice everyone to stock up on a way to get caffeine intravenously...I'll second that "sigh".

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  3. BEWARE THE WILD KILLER COCKATOO!!

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    1. I know! I'm amazed at how many we have out here, roaming the Midwest...;)

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  4. Just once I want to be Ike and morning to be Tina.

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  5. Wow, that was deep. Certainly more than I could string together while sleep deprived. Mine would've been more along the lines of "Yo..."

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    1. "Yo..." is what I wanted to write. That'll probably be my next post..lol

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  6. At least you have all of these adoring fans from your blog to get you through the nIght time posting. I'm here for you, Paige.

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    1. Honestly, you guys do a great job of helping me hang in there. Truly...:)

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  7. Congrats on the new baby! And thanks for the comment on Tall Curly Biscuit! I stopped by here a couple of weeks ago and must have missed the fact that you were 9 mos. preggers. I'm impressed you're already writing again. Nice! The planets have to align for me to post anything...

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    1. Well, I hope the planets align more often, because I'm the newest fan of your bloggin'...:)

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  8. You forgot the half-asleep pig out on carbs at 3:00 a.m. in order to find some quick energy somewhere, somehow. Oh, wait, maybe that was just me. Hang in there, Mama!

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    1. Oh boy, do I know it. It's funny you say that, because I was just thinking about how sad it is to be drinking Mountain Dew Code Red and eating anything with sugar in it, just so I can prop my eyelids open at 3am... yep, gettin' a jump on the whole dropping the baby weight thing.

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  9. You forgot the 3:00 a.m. nosh on carbs because you are so freaking tired you have no idea you're even eating, but need to find some energy somewhere. Oh, wait, maybe that was just me. Hang in there, Mama.

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  10. Now that is funny!!! It's also ironic that you should post this because yesterday I also posted about one of the funny experiences that happened to me when I was sleep deprived when my son was a baby! check it out! http://www.noholdingback1212.com
    love your sense of humor! Glad there's more where that came from!!

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    1. Excellent! It's always nice to know I'm not the only one who's learned how to run on twenty minutes of sleep and a prayer. I'll hop on over for a visit!

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  11. Ooohhhhh, honey. Those days when your two best chances for happiness are to be rehospitalized or to become a throw pillow - it's a dark time for us all. Luckily, you'll soon forget what it was like to sleep, so you almost kind of don't know what you're missing anymore.

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    1. I think I'm starting to approach the point where I don't know what a good night's sleep is, and have started to function anyway. Can that be considered a super power?

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  12. Oh, darlin'. You are such a rockstar.

    All that I can remember - let alone record in a blog post - in the early days at home with The Small One is gratuitous showings of Outkast videos on MTV. (Hey-YAH!)

    So cheers to you.

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  13. Oh you are bringing back so many memories. And those little people that are still there in the morning when you have been up all night? They always surprised me somehow, even though they had been mine for almost two years I was always like "hmm, how is it humanly possible to take care of all of this at once?" Every. Single. Day.

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