|"Today's post is brought to you by Insomnia. Because nothing says,"I think I'm dying," like Insomnia. Back to you, Paige."|
I'm not sure if it's safe to blog if you've only slept for and hour and a half, but it was either that or begin weeping uncontrollably in the middle of the floor. At least, this way I get to publish content that devalues the internet a little more and saves me from having to wipe the first layer of dirt off the wood laminate...because it took a family effort to build that dirt. And when Hoarders finally shows up to film here, I want something that looks dull and un-waxed on camera, besides my face.
Last night, Doc Hoiliday decided he'd just stay up all night. I suspect this was because he couldn't poop. I can't hold this against him, as I've had this same problem, but it made for a long night of me staring into space, wondering when I won't look six months pregnant anymore, and listening to random Adam Levine songs, who, annoyingly, never looks six months pregnant.
And since he didn't father any of these children, I can never forgive him that...
But it wasn't all bad. I've started a diary chronicling my observations during the night. And now, an excerpt:
Sept. 13, 2012
1:00am Observed the leaves on the trees look same in the dark as in the light, just a darker shade of green.
2:30am Did you know, if you dance along the line of sleeping and waking just so, you'll see a giant spider crawling down the couch, jump up screaming, and start beating the crap out of your blanket, before you realize that hallucinations aren't just for people on meth, anymore?
3:00am Took a trip to the kitchen. Stack of bills on counter seem to be as unpaid in the dark as they are in the light. Will continue to monitor the situation.
4:30am Coughed too hard. May have pulled a stitch. Have already met deductible. A second stay-cation in the hospital seems imminent. (Side note: miss the pears they brought me in little bowls. Go shopping for pears and little bowls.)
5:00am Dozed off and was awakened by the majestic calls of cockatoo outside. Baffled, as cockatoos are not native to Kansas. Also, what I heard may have been me waking up screaming again.
7:00am Baby has eaten for the third time and there's either a production of Lord of the Flies going on upstairs, or the twins are awake. Will stay still and hope everyone thinks I'm a throw pillow. Morning, you are the Ike Turner to my Tina.
Until Next Time, Readers!