Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Tinting Effect

Afternoon Readers,

     Well, it's finally settled. Husband found a car, and I don't have to throw myself off a bridge from too much car-totaling drama. This is a huge relief, as I'd only found one bridge. And even then, the guy was all like, "Mam, please don't stand on the cart coral. This is Walmart. Not a rodeo."

After much searching, we happened up a little four door. Though newer, it has the same mileage as the last car, but won Husband over with its cleanly interior and visors that weren't missing. Admittedly, that was one of the first things that sold me as well. I gazed in awe, and stuck my head out the window. "Did you see the visors. Two of em' just waiting to block the sun."

He inclined his head reverently and whispered, "I know."

But, it wasn't until Husband made the decision to tint the windows, the ante was upped around the Split-level.

...Because, there comes a time when men occasionally make a choice that, unbeknownst to you, will not only increase the appeal of your used car, but also jettison their sex appeal into the realm of, "It's like, when you fart, I don't even care."

When it first rolled into the garage, I sauntered up to the driver's side. "Hey there. Any room for a girl lookin' to blow town and make a fresh start?"

Husband got out while I stared in disbelief. "That was you in there?"

"Who were you expecting?"

"Well, every other Wednesday, I have this fantasy Channing Tatum shows up and we recreate the rooftop dance number from Step Up, so you could see how I'd be confused."

"Uh huh."

I winked seductively. "Because, you're practically Batman in this thing."

"Kind of."

"No, really. We'll get a babysitter and go fight crime. And then make out in the back seat."

"Fight crime? I like that."

My arms flailed spastically, overcome with this new level of attraction to my husband and usual lack of fine motor skills. "Yeah, crime. Like bank heists or people who stand in front of the Redbox too long. It's like, "Come on, lady. They're out of The Hunger Games. Just get Dinoshark vs. Sharktopus, and be done with it."

So, I guess the lesson here today is, even when someone comes along and totals both your cars, within a month, causing considerable emotional and financial turmoil, you may just wake up and realize there's always a silver lining...which is inside your cape, because you and your attractive husband now fight crime.

...that was the lesson, right?

Until next Time, Readers!