Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Tinting Effect

Afternoon Readers,

     Well, it's finally settled. Husband found a car, and I don't have to throw myself off a bridge from too much car-totaling drama. This is a huge relief, as I'd only found one bridge. And even then, the guy was all like, "Mam, please don't stand on the cart coral. This is Walmart. Not a rodeo."

After much searching, we happened up a little four door. Though newer, it has the same mileage as the last car, but won Husband over with its cleanly interior and visors that weren't missing. Admittedly, that was one of the first things that sold me as well. I gazed in awe, and stuck my head out the window. "Did you see the visors. Two of em' just waiting to block the sun."

He inclined his head reverently and whispered, "I know."

But, it wasn't until Husband made the decision to tint the windows, the ante was upped around the Split-level.

...Because, there comes a time when men occasionally make a choice that, unbeknownst to you, will not only increase the appeal of your used car, but also jettison their sex appeal into the realm of, "It's like, when you fart, I don't even care."

When it first rolled into the garage, I sauntered up to the driver's side. "Hey there. Any room for a girl lookin' to blow town and make a fresh start?"

Husband got out while I stared in disbelief. "That was you in there?"

"Who were you expecting?"

"Well, every other Wednesday, I have this fantasy Channing Tatum shows up and we recreate the rooftop dance number from Step Up, so you could see how I'd be confused."

"Uh huh."

I winked seductively. "Because, you're practically Batman in this thing."

"Kind of."

"No, really. We'll get a babysitter and go fight crime. And then make out in the back seat."

"Fight crime? I like that."

My arms flailed spastically, overcome with this new level of attraction to my husband and usual lack of fine motor skills. "Yeah, crime. Like bank heists or people who stand in front of the Redbox too long. It's like, "Come on, lady. They're out of The Hunger Games. Just get Dinoshark vs. Sharktopus, and be done with it."

So, I guess the lesson here today is, even when someone comes along and totals both your cars, within a month, causing considerable emotional and financial turmoil, you may just wake up and realize there's always a silver lining...which is inside your cape, because you and your attractive husband now fight crime.

...that was the lesson, right?

Until next Time, Readers!




23 comments:

  1. Oh you are so hilarious. My husband tried on my son's Buzz Lightyear hood the other day and, well, let's just say he should probably have tinted the windows instead.

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    1. Didn't exactly take you to infinity or beyond, huh? At least it wasn't a Cowboy Woody costume. I hear that's grounds for separation.

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    1. Just a little Nissan. If it'd been something cool like a Mustang, I'd be too smitten to keep blogging.

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  3. Oh my god! I thought I was the only one that knew about Dinoshark and Sharktopus! We did a post about them once.

    http://pointcounterpointpointpoint.blogspot.com/2012/03/cheesy-movies-vs-sheepasaurusoctotroid.html

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    1. No, no, I'm well-versed in all titles I see on Sci-Fi, as I scroll through the guide and try not to stop on..lol

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  5. Would that make you Batman, Batgirl or just plain bats**t? Sorry, I couldn't help myself!

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    1. You and I know it's probably the last one.

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  6. Praise God you're not the only one who has had to have had the difference between to Walmart cart corral and the rodeo cleared up! Whew. And the man provided you with TWO visors? Leave the baby with the twins and blow town immediately--you've gotta go reckless and crazy to keep up with this catch of a husband.

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    1. Yes, I've always believed that nothing says "opulence" like, "Look at these matching visors, right here."

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  7. I have no words. I know you have an amazing duo going and all, but, if you need a really annoying and mostly useless sidekick, I'd be a great Robin. P.S. TWO visors? Are you now heating your home with burnt 20 dollar bills, as well? Lifestyles of the Paige and Famous!

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    1. Ok, I might have to steal "Lifestyles of the Paige and Famous"...I smell a whole new series of blog posts, my friend.

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  8. Great story, but I'd still hold out for Channing.

    Stopping by from Finding the Funny!

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    1. I think, if he knew about my imaginary dance skills, Channing would be here sooner rather than later.

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  9. My favorite part is when you stood up on the cart corral...lol

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    1. Not everyone gets the chance to stand in a super center parking lot and look insane, but some of us get lucky.

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  10. Paige, you have no equal. I can just picture you standing on the cart corral like you're going to throw yourself off a bridge. What a hoot!

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    1. And you know I totally would've clumsily flopped onto the pavement, if someone hadn't stopped me...;)

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  11. You are hilarious and tinting the windows is so bad ass. Think of the things you can do now behind those dark windows. I'm your newest follower from Finding the Funny.

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    1. So nice to meet you! And, yes, it's almost intoxicating thinking about all the brownies I can smuggle out to the garage and eat without anyone seeing me.

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