Sunday, October 14, 2012

And Sometimes They Hit and Run

Morning Readers,

I think, out of all types of luck, bad luck tends to benefit me the least. But, just because it's bad luck doesn't mean it's not so ridiculous, so highly unlikely, it'll find me staring into space and laughing into the flashing lights of fire trucks and police cars, and wondering at what point I cut Lady Luck off in rush hour traffic.

Because she clearly doesn't like me. Or, as I assume about most people who are mean to me, she must be jealous of the ease and grace with which I wear flip flops in winter.

My first mistake was to try and leave the house yesterday. Generally, if a stay at home mom leaves the house, the universe sends out a warning bell... a mother's attempting to exit the premises without children; someone stop her or make it completely unenjoyable so she'll retreat to whence she came.

Nature. Fate. Indentured servitude. It's all very complex.

So I left with the new van, made it to the post office, pushed my luck and made it to the children's consignment shop for twenty-four dollars worth of fashion faux pas for the children, and headed home.

And then, just as I was about to turn into my neighborhood. Just as I was about to have a successful outing all by myself. Just as I was about to feel good about my choice to wear yoga pants the baby had clearly thrown up on...

Someone hit me.

I can make up a lot, Readers.

I can't make up being hit three times in two months .

I can't make up being hit so hard, glasses that were on my face were thrown to the back of my head.

I can't make up the fact whoever it was backed up, with their front end smashed in, and drove off before I could even get a license plate number or the make of the car.

So, whoever you are. Yes, you. The one with the gold, low-riding four door, rear-end spoiler, and crushed in front end. I may never find you. But, I'd like to thank you, not only for sponsoring today's blog post and ruining my bumper, but also proving the theory that husband and I should never, ever try and buy a car ever again.

It's rickshaws and Radio Flyer wagons for this family, from here on out.

Until Next Time, Readers!


30 comments:

  1. NO! NO! NO-no-NO! I have no words, but, I wish I had psychic abilities because I would find that person and knock on their door with a pitchfork and a torch.

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    1. I think Husband would second that sentiment. I'm just shaking my head and going on. What I take from this is maybe God doesn't think I look good in a minivan and would like to see me in something else...like a sleek Escalade.

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  2. Oh good lord, that's horrible! Just trust the karmic gods will have their way with the douchecanoe that did that to you. The only thing I can say is that at least you didn't have the kids with you. Hang in there, woman!

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    1. That was the one thought that got me through Saturday. The kids usually sit in the way back, so they would've been hit really hard. And who knows how the baby would've been. So, I'm super grateful i was by myself. And now I shall file away "douchecanoe" for future use.

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  3. "Or, as I assume about most people who are mean to me, she must be jealous of the ease and grace with which I wear flip flops in winter." Gold! You're hilarious, and I'm so glad I found this blog. But I'm horrified that you were hit, especially because I gather you are pregnant. At least I think so... (I'm totally forgiven for being wrong about this because you totally do NOT look fat/pregnant on the internet.)

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    1. Nice to meet you, Kim! Fortunately, I'm not pregnant anymore. "Doc Holiday" was born six weeks ago, and he wasn't in the van, so I feel super lucky. And thank you for the kind compliment. My perpetual habit of wearing yoga pants is extremely grateful to hear that.

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  4. Are you freaking kidding me? I do believe it's time for you to upgrade to a tank.

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    1. As soon as we pay this thing off, it's tanks from here on out. Seriously.

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  5. That's an impressive run of bad luck.

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    1. We strive to impress in all we do, Tony.

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  6. I can't believe that happened to you again! I hope the streak is over :-(

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    1. I hope so too. We can't just go buying a car very month all willy nilly.

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  7. I do believe it's time for some GOOD luck now. Like, 8 straight hours of sleep? A cleaning service to volunteer their time to come in and chase your dust bunnies away? A car dealership to DONATE a slightly used car to you and your hubby. I'm so glad you weren't injured and that this happened AFTER you had Doc Holliday.

    Take care of you!

    Teri
    Snarkfest

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    1. I'll take on of each of those, please. I'm sooo glad the kids weren't in the car. I really think they might've gotten hurt, and then momma bear would be hunting down the other driver.

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  8. Wow. Seriously, what are the odds?

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    1. Seriously!!!! It's gotta be like one in a billion.

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  9. Holy crap! You win the prize for the worst luck ever. Your luck has surely got to change now.

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    1. I think after three instances, it has to change right now. Isn't that the rule?

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  10. They say things come in threes, who ever 'they' are. So hopefully that will be it for that bad luck. Glad your kids were all safe, and I believe karma will get the jerk.

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    1. I sure hope so. This is getting ridiculous...yeesh.

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  11. Argggggghhh nooooooo! I'm so sorry! Glad everyone's okay, but GEEZ I hope this means your cursed car luck is over!

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    1. Robyn, if this happens again, I'm packing everyone up and moving into your house. You and Gerry are just gonna have to drive us everywhere.

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  12. Woah! I got inspired by your blog, Paige. Following you now!
    ♥,
    Riza

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  13. BOO! F you douchecanoe....hit and run is NOT COOL!
    Also? I wear flip flops in winter! (always)
    Glad you are ok and your kids were safe at home!
    Devan

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  14. Ahhh!!! Oh, I'm so, so sorry. That completely sucks and is just the last thing you need, Paige. Gosh, if that's doesn't feel sign to just stay home all the time, giving up on leaving the house and trying be fancy in yoga pants, I don't know what would. Accident-free days without baby vomit will come your way, I promise...

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  15. oh, i am so loving the quote a the begining. that is awesome. and my little one spit up all over my face last night. that as awesome as well.

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  16. How come you're moving/sending the kids to Robyn? I thought I was getting them!

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