Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Top Ten Things I Didn't Get To Be Thankful For This Year

"She says she's obviously not cooking this year, but you can come entertain the twins if you want."
Morning Readers,

I'm going to take a brief time-out from ironing my good leggings and giving a preliminary stretch to my Spanx, to wish you all the best for tomorrow. I'll be eating turkey and trying to keep the twins from hiding mashed potatoes in my Mother-in-law's heating vents.

But, before I sign off, I thought it'd be a good idea to mention everything I'm thankful for.

And then I thought about it for a while, and decided it would be better to mention everything I didn't get the chance to be thankful for.

No one ever mentions those things. Yet, here we are.


The Top Ten Things I Didn't Get A Chance To Be Thankful For In 2012

by

Paige Kellerman
(Someone who would've appreciated being grateful for at least one of these... hypothetically. None of them were tested, so she may not have wanted them at all. But she likes to think she would've. Is that a long enough introduction? Good. I can't think of what would be next. Stopping intro in 3..2...1 )

1.) Edible pillowcases: Because some of us don't have the luxury of getting to sleep and eat all in the same day.

2.) Justin Timberlake and I getting married. For those of you who don't know, he married Jessica Biel this year. I know, she looked a lot like me, right? Confusion understandable. Like I always tell people, "You can't look at our abs at the same time. You'll never be able to tell the difference."

3.) The bank matching all the money I withdrew.

4.) Justin Bieber calling me after his breakup.

5.) Full-butt underwear that say "Snazzy".

6.) The ability of marshmallows not to melt and block my access to the hot cocoa. But we can put people  on the moon. Seems legit.

7.)  My stomach not dragging on the ground when I reach down to retrieve cookies I've dropped.

8.) Finally making the connection between numbers 2,4, and 7 of this list.

9.) Coffee that never stops being hot or leaves me smelling like a trucker on a cross-country trek, when I talk at people.

10.) To, just once, be part of a impromptu, movie-style dance number that I know all the moves to, yet no one can explain how. I'm looking at you, Step Up 4.

I think we'll all look bravely towards 2013.

Let me also say I'm truly thankful for Husband, my babies, and all you, my dear Readers. You guys make getting out of bed an adventure I look forward to every day.

One more thing I'm thankful for, today I'm the featured blogger over at Finding the Funny, hosted by my lovely friends, Kelley and Anna. Read, Laugh, Repeat. And I'll see you after I finish cleaning potatoes and turkey out of the heating ducts.

Until Next Time, Readers!


24 comments:

  1. Found you over at Finding the Funny and scratching my head as to how I haven't been following you yet. Loved your list and as a fellow mom some of your list of course could be my own. Thanks for the bit of humor to my early morning and ma happy to following you now. Happy Thanksgiving, too!!!

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    1. Well, I'm glad you found my little corner of the internet! I'd like to believe that list applies to a little bit of everyone ...especially the hot cocoa bit. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

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  2. I think they sell #5 at Walmart, at least I know I saw a woman (term used loosely) wearing pants with something similar on the ass. It was quite and ironic statement, and much more "scary" than "snazzy," but there's hope...

    As for #10, I'm all in. Have your people call my people. That would be me and I probably won't answer the phone because I hate the phone, but if you're wearing full-butt underwear that say "Snazzy" or you are Eminem, I'll pick up.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

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    1. Abby, you've given me new hope on my underwear quest. 2013 is already looking in the right direction. I'm also getting some good feedback about number ten. I think we could make this a reality if we all work together and accidentally learn the same dance moves.

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  3. Happy Thanksgiving! Loved your list!

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  4. When you get to be part of the dance sequence, let me know. That's an all time dream of mine too.

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    1. Like I told Abby, we just need to accidentally, maybe learn, but never admit to it, dance moves, and then flash mob somewhere central to our locations.

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  5. Replies
    1. I think that would be the one I would chose overall. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  6. I'm thankful that I've ALREADY experienced everything on your list--except for 1-10, of course!!

    I thought I already had too many blogs that I was following, & thanks to this post, today there's a few more!

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    1. Oh, my dear Fishducky, there's a virtual treasure trove of funny I can lead you too..:) Happy Thanksgiving, friend!

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  7. Paige, you are awesome. Full-butt underwear...snort.

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    1. No, Stephanie ...you're awesome. And it's nice to meet another person who can appreciate full-butt underwear.

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  8. #6 is a serious problem that I can't believe still exists! I always end up with molten mallow stuck to my nose and no coco in my mouth! Oh well, I can't stay mad at sugar for too long...

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    1. I was hoping this was a problem the Irish had solved and you weren't having to deal with it anymore. Oh well. Happy Thanksgiving to you and Branden!

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  9. Always entertaining. I think everyone at the Thanksgiving table should give one thing they wish they could be thankful for, like this. It sure would lighten everything up!

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    1. No kidding. I think all of us wish we had the chance to be thankful for something we didn't get. It's there, we just have to look within ...and then maybe get to marry a celebrity next year.

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  10. I'm not thankful for Suzanne Collins saying "No! She didn't read my book first. I got my idea from her." She didn't read my book first, either, but it would have been great for her to say she did.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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    1. A great thing to wish you could be thankful for! Perhaps I should send her a quick tweet about this? Happy Thanksgiving!

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  11. Oh gosh, I can totally relate to #7. Wish I couldn't. And now that Thanksgiving and all it's left-overs have come and are still here, my stomach's not only dragging, but I'm also stepping on it.

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  12. Found you over at Finding The Funny last week, and I love your stuff.

    I'm thankful I didn't have a chance to be thankful for # 7 either. But as this mom gig continues, it's a slippery slope . . .

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  13. I'm so sad I didn't get to be thankful for my jeans being so big on me that they were just falling off my hips. Maybe next Thanksgiving? Who am I kidding?

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