Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Uninvited Guest Part III: Resurrection

Morning Readers,

Over the past few months, the Split-level has experienced its share of infestations: roaches, spiders, the time I was obsessed with Hall and Oats.

...it only took one incidence of me drawing a mustache on my face and singing "Sarah Smile", while careening around the front yard, barefoot, for everyone to agree it'd gone to far. And maybe, just maybe, I needed to go back to my fixation on Justin Bieber.

Who's single now, btw.

But that's a whole new blog post and a whole new set of what counts as "stalking laws" in the state of California.

Anywho. The worst infestation we've had, to date, is mice. I don't know about you, but I hate when people invite themselves over, then tell you they're going to eat a hole in your wall. But, after a heated campaign to vanquish the entire nest and its fourteen inhabitants, Husband and I had been enjoying a quiet last few months.

Until this week.

A few nights ago, as I was staring at myself in the mirror and trying to recognize the creepy homeless-looking woman winking back, I caught a dark shape dart back and forth behind me. Like the smartest person in a horror movie, I went to investigate.

He jumped out at me. Gray, large, whiskery, he successfully drove my ill-fitting pants back upstairs. The next day, I delivered the news to the head mouse hunter, "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"They're back."

"Some people don't know when to quit. I'll handle the situation."

"Great. And, Captain?"

"Yes?"

"Will you stop and get batteries for the baby's swing? I'll go ballistic if it dies again at 3am."

"Understood. Over and out."

Here's the thing. As of today, we've tried, three times, to catch our visitor. Each time, he decides to turn into Catherine Zeta-Jones, go into Entrapment mode, and carefully remove the food off the traps, without setting them off. That's right. What fourteen other mice fell for, this guy becomes an X-Man and thwarts. It's like, do they even make spandex cat suits that small?

I have a couple theories.. a.) He's really smart .... b.) He's the ghost of a mouse we already sent packing

In light of this, I've come up with a few one-liners to throw at him if we ever meet face to face again:

"If you're the Phantom of the Opera, where's your tiny half-mask?"

"So that's what a two-inch cat suit looks like."

"He who laughs last, laughs longest. Mainly because I can laugh and you can't because you're a mouse."

"Did you drop this cheese ...or this gun I'm holding?"

"Catherine Zeta-Jones, I presume?"

I'll keep you guys updated on the situation. I've gotta check our peanut butter stores and work on more cliched lines.

Until Next Time, Readers!









30 comments:

  1. Now that we have snow, I'm expecting the little buggers to start pouring in through the dog door any minute. At least someone will get some use out of the dog door. The dog knows how to use it, but he prefers I get up and open the door for him. Makes him feel loved, I suppose. Thanks for the smile, and good luck finding that elusive house guest.

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    1. Perhaps we should send your dog and my dog off to go live together. If he demands to be let back out one more time within the next five minutes, I'm threatening eviction.

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  2. Mice. CO detectors went off, called fire department, then Sears to check-out faulty stove, who discovered mouse nest under power burner of stove. Replaced stove. Can it get anymore disgusting? At least it made a good (or gross) blog post.

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    1. Ahhhhhh! I would've totally freaked out. Excellent blog fodder, to be sure. I'm a little jealous.

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  3. I can't believe you are writing so calmly about this. I would be writing about it from the nearest Holiday Inn. Ewww...

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    1. Luckily, he hasn't shown his face anywhere else in the house, so he's being tolerated. We've got to find a better strategy though.

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  4. HA! Kathy's comment cracked me up, and so did your blog. Nothing funny about mice in the house, though. Unless you're writing about them, of course. Good luck thwarting the little bugger.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. It's funny in a really sad way. Which is the way we usually do things around here ...:)

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  5. This is why you and the Bloggess need a chit chat over some taxidermied mouses. Too funny!!

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    1. If only we could get as far as a taxidermist ...gotta find this infiltrator, first.

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  6. Put two traps end to end - much more difficult for the mouse to steal the food and escape. I have done it with mice that are good at escaping and it works.

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    1. We actually tried this ...or a version of it, at least. We put the traps cadi-corner to each other and thought, for sure, that would get him. Nope. No food. No mouse.

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  7. Thank God we've never had mice in our house in L.A., though we DID have them in Hawaii--which is one reason we live in L.A.!

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    1. I'm this close to moving in with you, Fishducky. That's ok, right? Give Bud a chance to make room for five more people though.

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    2. There'll be plenty of room, because he says if you move in, he's moving out!

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  8. If it makes you feel any better, we had a nest of rats *shiver* in our attic and more nesting outside. Bleh. We finally got rid of them and taught our dog to search them out. Good luck evicting the unwanted visitors!

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    1. Ugh..I'll count myself lucky it isn't rats. Unfortunately, I feel as though any mouse-hunting techniques would be lost on our dog. He's great at noticing thunderstorms though.

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  9. I thought we had mice once. It was birds. WTH? What kind of bird wants to live in my basement? Idiot birds, that's what kind.

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    1. Hahahahaha ..how have we not had birds yet? I feel like that would be ok. But I'm probably wrong. Then again, if it has to be birds, I'll take the idiot birds over the normal ones.

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  10. I used to get a mouse infestation every year in my little duplex house back in the States...oh the joys of living behind a farm feed store barn! I find mice to be too cute for their own disease spreading good so I used no kill traps. The little buggers chewed through the thick plastic trap and freed themselves! Your best bet sadly, is to have Butch and Sundance wrangle up the little fur ball since kids are the best at catching the nasties things ;)

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    1. You'd think we were living behind a barn, but no. It does sound like we've got zoo up and running though. As far as the kids go, it wouldn't surprise me one bit to fin one of the twins holding a mouse. Sundance brought me a roach trap the other day, so I'm already totally on my guard.

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  11. OK. I'll be the cruel one here. Two words: mouse poison.

    Jay Holmes

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  12. My mouse (mice?) took the poison from the container and stored it in a bottle koozie in a drawer clear across the kitchen...meaning this little shit(s) toted and tracked mouse poison all over my place of food prep. I almost barfed when I found the stash. Little fuckers. We finally got ours with sticky traps, screw that "no kill" shit. Devan

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    1. I can't believe it figured out how to do that. I swear they're smarter than we give them credit for. I'm gonna jump on the sticky tape or poison trap plan. This thing's starting to freak me out.

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  13. Dogs are not what you use to catch mice. You need a cat. But I think a lot of sticky tape and poison would also be a good thing. So yuck. You need to send the sucker to mouse hell.

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  14. Catherine Zeta-Jones.

    Heh.

    That's some fabulous rodent imagery right there.

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  15. Dude, http://www.amazon.com/D-Con-View-Touch-Slim-Mouse/dp/B00489F88S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354978745&sr=8-1&keywords=mouse+traps+no+touch All the way. With a cotton ball and vanilla extract. Godspeed.

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