Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Million Sticky Pieces

"Well, seeing as how Paper, Rock, Scissors turned out, I'll assemble the play kitchen, and you can finish putting the horse together."

Morning Readers,

Now that I have three kids, boredom seems to be my biggest problem. At least, I think it is. That's the only reason I can attach to what we bought for Christmas. Two days have passed, the gift wrap has settled, and I, thankfully still have things to fill my time. You can't imagine the huge relief, as I was just thinking to myself,

..."Woe is me. For there are several days left in this year, and I have nothing to occupy myself. If only there was something, SOMETHING, which would stave off the the loads of free time I find myself with while tending to these children. For, if I find myself with those ten free seconds in the bathroom, like I did yesterday, there needs to be something to fill the void."

And then Santa arrived and brought with him the answer.

Husband called to me. "What are you doing?"

"Thanking my lucky stars I'm not wandering around twiddling my thumbs. I just changed three diapers, and got scared I'd have nothing to do before lunch. Then I found all this candy cane stuck to the couch, and breathed a sigh of relief. I'll tell ya what."

"We're the luckiest."

I sighed. "I know. When I got up at six this morning, I thought all I'd have to do was make breakfast, but I stopped panicking when I realized I'd be getting to hold the baby and put this race car track together. And people say bottle feeding and screwdrivers don't go together."

"They just don't know."

Gingerly, I wiped chocolate off the shirt I'd been wearing for forty-eight hours. "And gathering up all the bits of paper and packaging was a nice warm up, but my anxiety came back when I thought I'd get a nap. Luckily, Sundance needed me to help her with three different outfit changes."

"Thank goodness for kids hopped up on Peppermint Patties and Hershey Santas. I think I saw one of them snort a candy cane."

"Indeed."

I considered. "You know, I hear some people spend the day resting on Christmas, and I just don't know what to make of that."

"Lots of people have a hard time enjoying the holidays, honey."

Nodding, I pulled a piece of racetrack out of my bra. "Probably don't know what they're missing. There's nothing like a child's rabid smile as you yank them, by one foot, out of their little brother's bassinet. After Butch had that hundredth piece of chocolate, he really wanted that musical puppy Doc got."

"Can't blame him."

"Yep. I just appreciated skipping a hot lunch to save that stuffed dog. Doc's almost four months old, though, he really needs to start standing his ground. Baby hook to the right. Baby hook to the left. That sort of thing."

"They're good kids."

"They're great kids."

"Great Christmas?"

"Great Christmas."

"Join me for a case of beer and some curling in the fetal position?"

"Absolutely. Right after we put the kids in bed. The lights just went out, and I think they're hunting us with those new flashlights they got from Grandma and Grampa."

"Merry Christmas."

I smiled and yanked three whole candy canes out of my hair. "Merry Christmas."


Until Next Time, Readers!




20 comments:

  1. Sounds about right for these parts, too. Seriously, I think anyone with kids could relate to this one. I was making dinner last night, typing and taking more toys out of packages for my girls. Nothing like mommy multi-tasking, lol!!

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    1. Without the multi-tasking, I think we'd see a lot more moms curled in the fetal position in the middle of traffic. Glad you guys had a great Christmas!...:)

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  2. "I pulled a piece of racetrack out of my bra" That happened to me once. Oh, wait, it wasn't a racetrack--it was a railroad track! A real railroad track!! That was just before I joined AA, as I remember...

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    1. I tell ya, the amount of stuff that gets lost down there is incredible. I have a suspicion, I lost a spare pair of ballet flats around that vicinity, and they'll never find their way out.

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  3. I started laughing out loud at "snorting candy canes." Your Christmas sounds just like mine.

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    1. You're truly a kindred spirit, Jessica Watson....:)

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  4. Perfect breakdown of Christmas morning with littles. I still have boxes stacked on the coffee table currently residing against the wall and glitter glue everywhere from the "decorate your own jewelry box" from grandma. Thanks Grandma. Snorting candy canes. I'm going to try that.

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    1. If you snort the cinnamon ones, the buzz is nothing short of, "I can clean up glitter after New Years."

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  5. OMG this totally made my whole morning, thank you!!!! LOL. Exactly how I'm feeling!!!!

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    1. I'm happy to help! The good Lord knows I'm in danger of being impaled by a candy cane any time, over here.

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  6. A relative commented at my parent's Christmas party how noisy all the kids were. I hadn't even noticed. Made me realize how blessed my life is with LIFE. Kids, grandkids, cousins, etc. And how much I love it! The relative that I mentioned left early with her husband. We stayed late, and were very loud. God Bless!

    Sharon

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    1. That's the thing about kids, they force you to have a good time, damn it...;)

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  7. You totally nailed it - I'm up for some fetal position curling too, if you don't mind the softs sounds of me sucking candy cane sugar out of my hair.

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    1. My hair! Thanks for reminding me. I need to wash it and figure out how to shoo all the reindeer out of it.

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  8. Thank goodness you blog. I have chaos in my house, and appreciate knowing I'm not the only mother of real children. Christmas tree climbing is an indoor sport here, and if there is snow outside then mine use the white couch for their sidewalk chalk.

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    1. I dream of a white couch, but since the twins recently figured out crayon shows up on furniture, it's hopeless. We shall have our Pottery Barn lifestyle somewhere around our mid to late seventies, Julie.

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  9. "You know, I hear some people spend the day resting on Christmas, and I just don't know what to make of that."

    I've read that sentence over and over again, but my brain still can't comprehend it. It's an urban legend, right?

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  10. Sue, I take comfort in the fact it most certainly is urban legend.

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  11. Wait, wait, wait.... you got ten seconds of ALONE time in the bathroom?!? What am I doing wrong over here??? And speaking of fetal positions, I'm super stoked to report that my favorite grandma gift this year was a 10 piece percussion set for my 2 1/2 year old (the adult sized triangle being my favorite, of course). I had three startling revelations in the ten seconds following the opening of this gift:

    1. My mother hates me, obviously.

    2. If I wasn't sure before, I am now convinced that whoever these "Melissa and Doug" characters are (or were).... they never lived with actual children.

    3. I need to steal my sister-in-law's favorite saying (which I formerly thought was rude, but now I totally, completely, thoroughly get): "Oh! This will be an awesome toy for YOUR house!"

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  12. Oh.my.hilarious.
    This sounds so familiar! I loved that you pulled entire candy canes from your hair!

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