Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Send It by Certifiable Mail

"Good wives who make it to the post office and back get a cheek pinch. Who's my girl?"

Afternoon Readers,

Only six more days to Christmas, and the spirit of the season is starting to creep up on me. I'm not saying it's OK to sneak up on me. It's not.  I startle easily, have no bladder control left, and only keep one extra pair of pants on standby. They're not even pants. They're tights. And the sight of me in just tights is enough to ruin Christmas for everyone.

"Merry Christmas, Paige. Wait she wearing sheer hosiery? On second thought, I'll just take my eggnog and go. Good day to you, mam. No, really. I think it'd be best for everyone if you didn't move." I'll show myself out."

I suspect Christmas spirit was what gifted me the courage to travel to the post office yesterday. Most people love being in a space the size of a shoebox, with only angry, tired people for company, but it's just never been my thing.

....I love stamps though. The stamps are what keep me coming back.

But, packages must be mailed (although, I love the thought of The Pony Express, wind blowing through my hair, horse neighing while I throw envelopes at cabins), and I had one that was long over-do to be sent on its way. Instead of describing the mundane experience of swiping my credit card and assuring the poor post office worker, "It's a book, not a live animal. I promise," I'd like to give a nod to the supporting cast:

Girl knitting in line:  I appreciate your extreme calm. I'm also still waiting for my mittens. Don't knit in public, if you're not willing to have my order done by Christmas.

Also, I hope you and the dragon fly key chain you were working on drive happily together, for many years to come.

Guy who dropped all Christmas cards when he reached the front of the line: That was a spectacular display of green and red. I'm not sorry you held up the line. We were all just happy it wasn't us.

Woman shouting about stamps: I know, I'm devastated they didn't have any more Forever stamps in "Liberty Bell", but I think comfort can be found in the vast array of "Sleigh Ride", "Winter Carousing", and "Figgy Pudding" motifs. Like I always say...

"If they're out of the "Bell," don't tell people to go to hell.

Postal worker I conversed with: I really didn't mean to pick certified mail, but, as I grabbed the wrong label in confusion, I hope you put the extra money to good use, like re-stocking the Liberty Bell stamps.

Postal Workers: Thank you for pretending you wanted to be within ten feet of the building. Merry Christmas to you all. And may the new year bring you lots of vacation days and less dogs you have to run from in people's yards.

Until Next Time, Readers!