Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Send It by Certifiable Mail

"Good wives who make it to the post office and back get a cheek pinch. Who's my girl?"

Afternoon Readers,

Only six more days to Christmas, and the spirit of the season is starting to creep up on me. I'm not saying it's OK to sneak up on me. It's not.  I startle easily, have no bladder control left, and only keep one extra pair of pants on standby. They're not even pants. They're tights. And the sight of me in just tights is enough to ruin Christmas for everyone.

"Merry Christmas, Paige. Wait ....is she wearing sheer hosiery? On second thought, I'll just take my eggnog and go. Good day to you, mam. No, really. I think it'd be best for everyone if you didn't move." I'll show myself out."

I suspect Christmas spirit was what gifted me the courage to travel to the post office yesterday. Most people love being in a space the size of a shoebox, with only angry, tired people for company, but it's just never been my thing.

....I love stamps though. The stamps are what keep me coming back.

But, packages must be mailed (although, I love the thought of The Pony Express, wind blowing through my hair, horse neighing while I throw envelopes at cabins), and I had one that was long over-do to be sent on its way. Instead of describing the mundane experience of swiping my credit card and assuring the poor post office worker, "It's a book, not a live animal. I promise," I'd like to give a nod to the supporting cast:

Girl knitting in line:  I appreciate your extreme calm. I'm also still waiting for my mittens. Don't knit in public, if you're not willing to have my order done by Christmas.

Also, I hope you and the dragon fly key chain you were working on drive happily together, for many years to come.

Guy who dropped all Christmas cards when he reached the front of the line: That was a spectacular display of green and red. I'm not sorry you held up the line. We were all just happy it wasn't us.

Woman shouting about stamps: I know, I'm devastated they didn't have any more Forever stamps in "Liberty Bell", but I think comfort can be found in the vast array of "Sleigh Ride", "Winter Carousing", and "Figgy Pudding" motifs. Like I always say...

"If they're out of the "Bell," don't tell people to go to hell.

Postal worker I conversed with: I really didn't mean to pick certified mail, but, as I grabbed the wrong label in confusion, I hope you put the extra money to good use, like re-stocking the Liberty Bell stamps.

Postal Workers: Thank you for pretending you wanted to be within ten feet of the building. Merry Christmas to you all. And may the new year bring you lots of vacation days and less dogs you have to run from in people's yards.

Until Next Time, Readers!



      




19 comments:

  1. Mailing my Christmas cards was VERY easy for me this year! Oh, wait, maybe that was because my husband did it!

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    1. I mist learn your ways, wise one. I think I may have to pay Husband to do it, next year.

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    2. Sit with me, Grasshopper, we will talk.....

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  2. Mailing my cards were easy too. I left them in my mailbox for my mailman to take. Couldn't get any lazier than that if I tried, lol!!

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    1. Why didn't I think of that? Seriously. Noted for next year. Doubly noted.

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  3. I did the same thing as Janine. Just left them in our mailbox, put the flag up, and let the mailman do the job. Didn't even have to put shoes on to do it.

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    1. How did everyone have this fantastic idea, except for me???

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  4. Who's the laziest of all? Me - I didn't mail ANYTHING this year, not so much as a postcard. This is the time of year when getting everyone to hate you really pays off.

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    1. Except that we all love you, and we're still waiting for something, so get to it! ...;)

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  5. LOL, funny bit about the bell stamps, good rule of thumb.
    The Christmas spirit is sneaking up on me too, damnit. I made candy canes out of strawberries and bananas yesterday for my kids snack. I'm gonna ruin my own reputation! It's ok, I can stomach it for 6 days then it will be over. :)
    <3 Devan

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    1. That bit about the stamps has gotten me through some difficult times, my friend. And I'm super impressed about the candy canes. I bought an extra box and prayed the children didn't find, lick, and stick them under the couch.

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  6. Ahh, the blog fodder to be found at the post office. Glad you're able to see the humor in it.

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    1. Indeed, Kathy. I really couldn't be annoyed. The show was spectacular.

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  7. Love me some post office holiday action. Merry Christmas to your clan...and may you always be in proper pantswear this season.

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    1. Merry Christmas to Yours, as well! The pantswear wishes are always mutual to all I call "friend", my friend.,

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  8. I didn't see myself on the list. I'm the woman loaded down with packages who's there with her 4-yr-old daughter. When I finally get through the seven people in front of me to be "next," DD explodes in a temper tantrum. Not just a little whine or squeal. A full blown "I'm going to force you to do something that will have you arrested on the spot" tantrum. After all of that and getting so close, I had to leave the post office before completing my business.

    I put my hand on the little darling's wrist, making a bracelet with my fingers and not even gripping as my tool to drag her from the building. She sat back hard, screaming--not saying, squealing, or groaning, but screaming at the top of her lungs-- "You're hurting me! Don't break my arm! Don't break my arm!"

    Yes, I know. I'm a saint for not taking her straight to the fire station or a hospital for a permanent drop off. I look at her now at almost 15 and think, "In two more Christmases, you'll be driving, and you will go alone to mail all of these packages. Muuaaaahahahahaha!"

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  9. "It's a book, not a live animal. I promise,"

    Tony and I both work for the PO. I deliver, he works the window. He has yet to have anyone tell him "Yip. sir... this is a bomb. You got me." And even better, if the ever did, there's no operating procedure for that.

    My uncle, God love him, will bring two packages to the office and tell them, "They are not a bomb until you mix them together."

    Thankfully, they know his sense of humor there...

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  10. most recent reply on "which part is the postal code on an address is for the Netherlands", from the postal clerk at the counter, "I have no idea about international addresses Miss."

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  11. I went to the post office on Tuesday to mail a card to Vienna and never, ever so much in my entire life did I actually wish to be in Vienna. For people mailing packages filled with love, their hearts are filled with moderate to severe disdain.

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