Monday, January 21, 2013

Terrible Toddlers

"Shh, Stephanie. Bad children have to wear taffeta until they're twelve."

Morning Readers,

     So glad you're here. I've been staring at myself in the mirror, wondering if I should pluck the stray hair on my jawbone that looks like an old sailor's rope, or leave it and let my overall look of crazy blend with the sounds of crazy that have been coming out of my mouth lately.

I could pluck it an blend back into polite society.

Or, I could leave it and use it to tie down a mast. Isn't that what boating folk do, tie down masts? I don't know. The Ocean terrifies me. But, if someone stops by and asks me to create a scene from White Squall, I should be ready. *throws away tweezers*

Back to me sounding crazy. Because I do. This is not my fault. The twins have become terrible people disguised as nice people wearing underwear and cowboy boots. The thing about toddlers is you can't sell tell them what to do. Oh, we try, but, generally, the outcome is Husband and I staring vacantly at each other, at the end of the night, and asking, "Have we met?"

"I don't think so."

"But you look so familar."

"We should have coffee."

Yesterday was both a typical and fairly horrible day in the land of attempting to persuade Butch and Sundance to do, well, anything.

Sundance's Thoughts on Things, as of 1/21/13:

"Please pick up that toy."
"No."
"Stop hitting your brother."
"You stop."
"I don't wanna hear anymore sass. Stop throwing cereal at the dog."
"You stoppa talkin backa me!"
"You're a delighful child."
"No."
"All right then."

Butch's Thoughts on Things, as of 1/21/13:

"Pick up that toy, please."
"No."
"Stop riding the dog. He is not a pony."
"Haha ...Flea's funny." *cracks whip and rides across finish line.*
"Stop pinching your sister."
"She bit me."
"Just stop it."
"She bit me."
"Seriously, stop."
"She bit me."
"All Right then."

Consider this an introduction. On Wednesday, we'll take a look at Husband and I taking a look at why the children may or may not be our least favorite after Doc.

Until Next Time, Readers!











18 comments:

  1. I don't have little children any more, but I DO have the occasional 6 foot long chin hair that pops up overnight!!

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    1. They're terrifying, I tell ya. But you never know when they'll come in handy.

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  2. Gotta love them kids! Thankfully, mine are at the age where they are behaving a bit better. Wait! I take that back. They are behaving badly 'differently'. LOL Best of luck! I feel ya!

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    1. That's the general consensus I'm getting; The behavior tends to change yet not improve. So glad I've decided to document this for the world to see. I'm not sure the world's excited though.

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  3. Ha! Love this! Especially the conversation with you & hubby. :)

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    1. When the kids aren't toddlers anymore, him and I decided to get acquainted and possibly go have dinner somewhere. By then, the kids should have us completely shell shocked, so desert somewhere will sound nice.

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  4. Alright Then.

    Exactly! I give up so much that I'm almost sure I never even started trying.

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  5. "You stoppa talkin backa me!" Sounds like Sundance has her bad Italian accent mastered! Hang in there. Can't wait to hear what happens when the gray hairs start appearing. To pluck or not to pluck.

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    1. Plucking is so much work. I think I may just let her talk me to death.

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  6. Yup sounds about right with toddlers. I have two of them and you could have been writing my conversations with them here!! Seriously, I would have better luck banging my head against the wall the talking to my toddlers at most times, lol!!

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    1. I'm opting for banging my head against the wall tonight. It seems like a decent solution. Perhaps I'll come to in a world where my children actually listen to me.

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  7. With this baby, I tried to only teach her the words "Yes," and "I love you, mother." This morning she woke up and said, "What the heck?" At least I know she's mine, I guess.

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    1. Sundance asked me, "Why won't you cooperate with me?" I also have work to do.

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  8. So you're going to have about a dozen more babies, then, yes?

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    Replies
    1. Only eight more, Teri. I can't be doing this toddler thing forever...;)

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  9. Toddlers listen alright, but only to the words they're not supposed to. This was proven when my two year old burst into the room where I was changing my crying baby's diaper, and yelled, "What the hell are you doing to her?" Now, if we could only get them to listen to the rest.

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  10. My toddler's two most common expressions:

    1. "You go away."
    2. "I using that!"

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