Monday, January 21, 2013

Terrible Toddlers

"Shh, Stephanie. Bad children have to wear taffeta until they're twelve."

Morning Readers,

     So glad you're here. I've been staring at myself in the mirror, wondering if I should pluck the stray hair on my jawbone that looks like an old sailor's rope, or leave it and let my overall look of crazy blend with the sounds of crazy that have been coming out of my mouth lately.

I could pluck it an blend back into polite society.

Or, I could leave it and use it to tie down a mast. Isn't that what boating folk do, tie down masts? I don't know. The Ocean terrifies me. But, if someone stops by and asks me to create a scene from White Squall, I should be ready. *throws away tweezers*

Back to me sounding crazy. Because I do. This is not my fault. The twins have become terrible people disguised as nice people wearing underwear and cowboy boots. The thing about toddlers is you can't sell tell them what to do. Oh, we try, but, generally, the outcome is Husband and I staring vacantly at each other, at the end of the night, and asking, "Have we met?"

"I don't think so."

"But you look so familar."

"We should have coffee."

Yesterday was both a typical and fairly horrible day in the land of attempting to persuade Butch and Sundance to do, well, anything.

Sundance's Thoughts on Things, as of 1/21/13:

"Please pick up that toy."
"Stop hitting your brother."
"You stop."
"I don't wanna hear anymore sass. Stop throwing cereal at the dog."
"You stoppa talkin backa me!"
"You're a delighful child."
"All right then."

Butch's Thoughts on Things, as of 1/21/13:

"Pick up that toy, please."
"Stop riding the dog. He is not a pony."
"Haha ...Flea's funny." *cracks whip and rides across finish line.*
"Stop pinching your sister."
"She bit me."
"Just stop it."
"She bit me."
"Seriously, stop."
"She bit me."
"All Right then."

Consider this an introduction. On Wednesday, we'll take a look at Husband and I taking a look at why the children may or may not be our least favorite after Doc.

Until Next Time, Readers!