Monday, January 28, 2013

The Top Ten Reasons To Love Beer

"Mmm, is that your beer?" Back off, kids.

Morning Readers,

I suppose, today, I could wax eloquently, and pretend we didn't put every last effort into potty training this weekend, subsequently draining our will to live, but let's just jump into the list instead....



1.) If you put underwear on beer, it won't pee on the floor.

2.) Beer loves a good game of Guess Who? Like when I sneak to the cooler in the liquor store, press my lips to the glass door and whisper, "Guess who's coming home with me?"

3.) A dangerous misconception, some people think beer comes in travel size because they're supposed to take it with them while they drive. No, beer is compact so it can easily be moved from the kitchen, to the shower, to bed, without the drag of pulling a liter of vodka behind oneself.

4.) Beer tells me I'm pretty. It will tell you that you're pretty. It will tell all of us we are pretty.

5.) "Milk" doesn't have the same ring to it as "beer." Unless you just milked a drunk cow, then I'm interested.

6.) I like variety in my life: Singles, six pack, twelve pack, keg, it's like beer woke up one morning and said, "I can be all things for all people with various sizes of refrigerators and emotional needs."

7.) Beer is cheap. Making your own meth is dangerous and not so cheap ....especially if you accidentally blow your house up.

8.)Water doesn't make me want to do The Electric Slide, in my pajamas, after 10pm. I don't even like water.

9.) The house seems cleaner when I'm drinking beer.

10.) Beer didn't help me write this list. But, it would've if I'd asked.

*Gin was not offended in the making of this list. Gin understands it's saved for times when I've showered and convinced myself I'm classy, intellectual and should be smoking cigarettes out of obscenely long cigarette holders.

Until Next Time, Readers!












56 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Colleen! Somehow, my alcohol-related posts are the most popular. Kindred spirits, all of you.

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  2. I thought your #1 reason would be "Beer is cheap"!

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    1. That would've been number eleven. I had to stop somewhere. This list could've gone on for days.

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  3. I love it, especially because beer also comes in gluten free varieties. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Yes! High five to all my gluten-intolerant readers. You guys put up with a lot of crap, and I'm glad the beer industry rewards you for it.

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  4. Love the post, and I don't even drink/like beer! Please forgive me.

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    Replies
    1. You are forgiven. But, have you tried just the teensiest drop of Guinness? It can change your life.

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  5. I LOVE BEER! (Never again in my life will I drink Gin, I don't care how offended it gets, it shouldn't make me so effing crazy!)
    I LOVE BEER!! Did I say that already? Great list!
    Devan

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    Replies
    1. Did we just become best friends? Gin doesn't hold it against you. That bad boy can get out of control.

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  6. I am finding some beers that I like but I'm still a big whiskey fan! ;)

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    Replies
    1. Whiskey and I have an interesting relationship. I'll drink it, as long as it doesn't try to burn a whole through my esophagus. Right now, we're in a stand off.

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  7. I read this to my husband and we both got a great laugh this morning. Thanks Paige!! :)

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    1. You're quite welcome, Janine! Just assure your husband I don't drink THAT much ...just a little...on days of the week or weekends.

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  8. I also love beer, but, not as much as I love this post and, not NEARLY as much as I love Paige Kellerman, Writer-Humorist.

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    Replies
    1. Paige Kellerman loves you, and looks forward to when we can order large amounts of beer one day, and hide from our kids for a while.

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  9. This almost made me switch from my daily glass of wine but I just can't. Also, I agree with BPM.

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    Replies
    1. I busted out the wine last night. When I wanna be mellow, wine is my friend. If I want to feel better about being in pajamas for 24 hours straight, I rip open a case and drink beer in front of the refrigerator.

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  10. I second what Jessica just said :) I'm a wine/vodka gal, but after reading this list, i'm thinking maybe i just haven't found the right beer yet! Hilarious!

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    Replies
    1. There's so many out there, I'm sure you're fermented, bubbly soul mate is just waiting to be discovered. God speed, my friend.

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  11. Beer rocks. Beer and hot wings and I'd kiss a pig.

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    Replies
    1. Beer and hot wings = one of the best combinations under the sun. Buffalo Wild Wings, how I love thee.

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  12. Paige, you are a girl after my own heart. Cracking open a cold one in honor of you, my friend!

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    Replies
    1. I thought's the sound I heard, you lovely lady, you.

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  13. Replies
    1. Absolutely. Beer's to humble to go on about itself, so I'm always happy to make my devotion known in list form.

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  14. Do you think beer would me someone not look like an uncoordinated jackass when doing the Electric Slide? I'm asking for a friend.

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    Replies
    1. The key to the Electric Slide is a.) Only do it while no one's around,
      or b.) Make sure everyone else at the party has been drinking beer for several hours and has no point of comparison.

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  15. Um...I want to live with you and drink beer every night. This is amazing and makes me really want a beer. Right. Now.

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    Replies
    1. The next time you come to KC, we're hittin' the town, sister.

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  16. This is funny. I don't personally like the taste of beer, but I like this post. Nice job!

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    Replies
    1. Gracias, Kate! Beer's always waiting, if you change your mind.

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  17. I think if I went on ancestory.com tonight I would discover that we are blood relatives!..all the way down to the gin (Hendrick's please). I would also like to add that beer is responsible for the only funny Super Bowl commercials....which are twice as funny after a six pack! Loved it!!

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    Replies
    1. Excellent point, Susan. As much as I love it, I have yet to see any funny Super Bowl Gin commercials. Food for thought.
      As for being related, I wouldn't doubt it. I tend to stare and point at things in public, though, so you don't have to actually admit we're related, if you don't want to.

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  18. Everything beer can do, wine can do better.....

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    Replies
    1. Except a bong. Wine bongs don't exist for a reason. I hear that's possible to certain death. Also, the stains would be a nightmare...;)

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  19. #8. Yes.

    *nods head vigorously*

    Beer is magical.

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    Replies
    1. It is a little like a leprechaun riding a unicorn through the door to Narnia, so it can meet Harry Potter. Agreed.

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  20. Love this! And amen to Nos. 8 and 9! Have you been to my house?!

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  21. I just had this glorious mental picture of you whispering to the glass doors at the liquor store. After a weekend of potty-training, beer is the kindest thing to give your body :)

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  22. This was hilarious, and I don't even like beer!

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  23. #4... I'm waiting for the knock down drag out brawl that beer is surly going to have soon with my mirror. One of them is lying.

    Bliss

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  24. ALL these reasons should be #1! Plus, "Beer can be enjoyed any time of day, with any activity. Like now, at 4:30, as soon as I finish writing this comment."

    I'm so sharing this all over!

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  25. 11. Because the kids love their mother's carefree attitude as they color the walls.

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  26. Beer never judges me. Beer always sighs a friendly welcome whenever we meet.
    I love you, beer. I love you so much.

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  27. The Pilgrims were actually headed to the mouth of the Hudson River, and the Mayflower only stopped at Plymouth because they ran out of beer. Sort of puts everything in perspective, huh? ;)

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  28. Beer is cheaper and easier than meth.. you are full of truths! Love it!

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  29. I'm more of a whiskey girl myself, so I was mentally replacing beer with whiskey and agreeing with everyone of them.

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  30. Now I'm thirsty, and it's not even 8 am. Great list!

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  31. Found you on Pinterest. LOVE this list!! Want even cheaper beer??? Get your significant other interested in home brewing! DH's hobby is brewing it. My hobby is drinking it! We are fully prepared for the call from school that goes: "So Brady did his oral report on brewing craft beer" :D

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  32. Haha!! Hillarious take on Beer. Btw here is my take on it, do give it a read...
    http://subtlewords.com/2014/02/01/ten-reasons-to-love-beer/

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