Monday, February 25, 2013

The Second Annual Kellerman Awards

On my way in to accept the award for "Most Days Without a Shower in a Romantic Comedy or Horror"

Afternoon Readers,

I hope you wore your best pajama, yoga, or parachute pants, because it's that time again.

What?

Yes, exactly. Good guess. I do need to go buy milk, but it's also award season, and, while I could re-hash the Academy Awards from last night, that wouldn't leave me enough time to hold the Second Annual Kellerman Awards.

What's a Kellerman award?

Why, my darlings, only the most prestigious, thinly-veiled reference to how life's beating up on me, wrapped in a package of sarcasm, and only slightly hiding the fact it's mimicking the actual Academy Awards. Delightful stuff. Very high-brow.

Anywho, let's get to it. The statuettes I made out of bread slices and bendy straws can't hold themselves together forever.


 Winners of This Year's Kellerman ...in no particular order

 Best Actor: Doc Kellerman for his ground-breaking role in Sleep is for the Weak

Best Supporting Actress: Sundance Kellerman in That Wasn't Me In the Cabinets, or was it?

Best Actor in a Comedy: Butch Kellerman in Poop's Sometimes Funny When It's on the Floor

Best Actress: Paige Kellerman for her role in Why Do They Keep Calling Me Mom?
Best Foreign Language Film: Ba Ba Ba (A Baby's Repeated Search For His Toes)

Best Makeup: Sundance Kellerman for her work in One Woman's Foundation is Another One's Lipstick

Best Costume Design: Sundance Kellerman for her work in This Top is a Skirt. This Skirt is a Shirt

Best Visual Effects: Doc Kellerman for his work in A Diaper Too Late: One Poop's Journey from Changing Table to Wall

Best Documentary: Don't Even Look at the Kids: What to Do When Your Husband Has the Flu

Best Picture: Paige Kellerman: Almost Dead and Loving It

Wondering who won last year? Click here at your own risk.


Until Next Time, Readers!
















22 comments:

  1. I was runner up in "Why do They Keep Calling Me Mom?" wasn't I? Tell me I was. I knew it.

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    1. You were, indeed. The race was particularly close this year. I think it was between you, me, and about a thousand other mothers.

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  2. Best Writer/Humorist: Paige Kellerman, for her work in "Keeps Us Laughing Every Week."

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    1. I accept it on behalf of all parents about ready to lose it...;) I'm honored.

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  3. I loved Doc's work in "One Diaper Too Late"--so avant garde!!

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    1. Wasn't it? The kid's got skills. I tell ya what.

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  4. So when the kids starting throwing poop at the after party, they weren't so much drunk as staging a live theatrical depiction of their film work?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, yes. It was all very serious. Sources have to confirm whether anyone was drunk at the after party besides me.

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  5. So not a fan of the real awards, but seriously your sounded awesome and would have totally watched!!

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    1. If you could've made it, I would've put you in the front row ...possibly asked you to babysit.

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  6. Sometime's Poop is Funny on the Floor. And Walls. I think that's the sequel and I think it's playing at my house.

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    1. Which makes you eligible for the 2014 Kellerman awards. You've now been put in the running. Congrats!

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  7. Yours are way better than the Oscars! Equal amounts of excrement though...

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  8. I want tap dancing. Please be the tap dancing host. You forgot one award: Paige Kellerman, consistently funniest lady around.

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    Replies
    1. I don't know about that. As along as you and Hollow Tree Ventures are out there, it's always a close race...;)But I'm definitely tap dancing next year!

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  9. I can't believe Husband wasn't even nominated. This thing was rigged...

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