Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Top Five Ways To Survive Being Snowed In With Small Children

"Hello, 911? Oh, no emergency. We're snowed in and I was just looking for someone else to talk talk to. So, what kind of calls are you getting today?"

Afternoon Readers,

I'm reporting to you live from the Split-level. Surrounded by snow, holding on to sanity, the Kellermans are in close quarters but still in tact. Barely. In case you missed the news, Nature decided it hated Kansas and tried to white it out. We are currently the great typewriter correction of the good, old USA.

The recent weather means, of course, many parents and children have been trapped with each other for inordinate amounts of time. After I write this post with all the steadiness my damaged psyche can muster, I'll be calling Oprah to see if she'd like to spearhead some sort of campaign centered around relief funds for parents snowed in with toddlers.

Hopefully we can book Aerosmith for the benefit concert, before they've gotten too comfortable at Shady Acres retirement home.

At any rate, if you too are snowed in with little people* this week, here are a few things that may help pass the time.





1.) Moonshine

Whoa, whoa, whoa, before you get all up in arms, I'm not suggesting you let small children handle liquor. We hear at There's More Where That Came From have a strong policy against toddlers carrying their own beer.

What I am saying is there's no harm in you distilling it while the little ones work on the labels for the bottles.

2.) Hide and Seek

Take the moonshine up to the attic while the kids count to ten. Over the next hour, shout through the rafters, "Still here. Keep looking." Try not to spill any of that liquid gold on any Rubbermaid tubs filled with clothes. It's all fun and games until you pull on that sun dress next summer and then try to light a cigarette.

3.) Drawing

Get out the crayons and make signs to put in the windows, like:

"Children For Sale" 

"Adult Looking For Loving Home"

"I've Been Kidnapped"

4.) Cooking

Provided you remembered to stock up on provisions before the big storm hit, try making a new recipe. After the smoke clears, use the crayons to make and send Thank You cards to both the fire department and poison control.

I know you're thinking, "Thank You cards?"

But it's not an outdated practice yet, and these people work hard. Don't make them an afterthought.

5.) Umm...

Are you already out of moonshine? Fire up that distillery again. It's going to be a long week.


Until Next Time, Readers!



15 comments:

  1. I thought you were shipping the kids out here--what happened?

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    1. I've just a got a few more dollars to save, and I can buy those plane tickets. They'll be there sooner than you think...;)

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  2. Moonshine makes everything better. Only problem is that pesky blindness. I'm a Mike's Hard Lemonade fan myself, it's gotten me through many a snow day.

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    1. Sometimes, you just have to roll with losing one of your most valuable senses in order to save your sanity.

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  3. And to think for a teensy moment I was sorry we didn't get the snow. Thanks for a moonshine-filled reminder of what I'm (glad I'm) missing.

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    Replies
    1. And we're supposed to get another storm tonight. Maybe if we take the brunt of it, you guys can get an aesthetically pleasing amount...;)

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  4. I like the hide and seek suggestion.

    When my oldest, liveliest child was a toddler, he'd once in a while call, "I'm stuck!!" and my first thought was always, "Whew. That'll buy me a minute or two!"

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    1. Ha! I think that sometimes when they want to get down from their highchairs. It buys me sixty seconds to inhale my breakfast.

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  5. Stay strong, Kellermans. Soon, the kids will be able to fend for themselves (they're not 4 yet?) and bring you breakfast in bed. It may be plastic eggs and pretend tea, but at least you won't have to be in an upright position.

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    1. They'll be three in May and still rely heavily on me or their dad to put together breakfast. I'm just looking forward to the teenage years when they sleep till noon. I can work with that.

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  6. Hi there! I am your newest follower! This is hilarious. I laughed out loud, took my laptop to the other room, and laughed through it again as I read it to my wife. Loved it!
    Justin- Writing Pad Dad
    Writing Pad Dad Blog
    Writing Pad Dad on Facebook

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  7. I have done number two, and that just sounds so wrong. Snowed in today with teens. They are surly, but at least they stay in their respective corners. :)

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  8. Laughed as I remembered the January that disappeared when preschool kids had chicken pox. Two weeks with one, another two weeks with the other.

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  9. Now why didn't I read that before the 6 inches and counting started falling here?? I couldn't even get my dang garbage can up the driveway to throw away all the noisy toys I can not listen too for one....more.....minute!

    Btw...found you at YKIHAYHT

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  10. I would totally buy moonshine with a label made in crayon

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