Wednesday, March 6, 2013

How To Sound Exactly Like Your Parents

"I'll never sound like you. Ever."  "Son, you're a fool."

Morning Readers,

This is my third consecutive day without coffee, which would be more of a tragedy if there was some sort of coffee shortage instead of me being too lazy to go buy more. As it is, I'm drinking tea and, while I feel more refined, the box said it has minor laxative side effects, so it may be time to restock the tea as well.

But, we didn't gather here today to talk about regularity. Nay, this morning's topic lands carefully on the subject of sounding like one's parent. When I was a young thing, decked out in braces and hair that considered styling tools dangerous strangers, I made a vow to myself.

"Paige," says I.

"Yes, self?"

"When I have kids, I'll never be mean or yell at them."

"That's great, but why are you still doing the whole third person thing?"

"For effect. Now, listen. The chances of my children being disobedient is probably slim-to-none, but, on the off-chance they get a little headstrong, I'll patiently correct them, and that should remedy the situation."

"Have I ever used "remedy" in a sentence?"

"You're missing the point. I'll be kind and patient and never yell. I'll simply make direct eye contact and my children will know what needs to be done around the house. My parents yell because they don't understand children. And I pity them."

"That's great. Wanna go hang up some new Hanson posters?"

Life, as it usually does, has come full circle and deposited three of my very own blessings on the doorstep. Have I kept my vow to myself? I can't be totally sure, but I feel the statements coming out of my mouth lately are strangely familiar:

"I'm not talking just to hear myself talk."

"Don't throw your clothes in the hallway. I'm not the live-in maid."

"I just bought that milk, and it's already gone! If you're thirsty, drink water."

"Don't waste that. Whatever you're wasting costs money."

"If you're going to fight, do it upstairs."

"If you want to run around, do it upstairs."

"Go upstairs."

And so on.

Do I sound like my parents? Maybe. But, in my mind, I'll always be cooler. Now, I'm off to stop the kids from crushing crackers into the carpet. Those cost money.

Until Next Time, Readers!

18 comments:

  1. Holy Mary Motherofgodbewithusnowandatthehourofourdeath....that's Bobby Sherman! And David Soul! And Joan Blondell! From "Here Come the Brides!" (She was not their mom, by the way...she was the town saloon owner/madam. Their mom was dead.)
    Sorry...flashback.

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    1. I was just telling someone else on the Facebook page that I love when you guys give me facts and stories about the pictures I use. Builds my trivia base...:)I've never seen that show, but if it starts running again at night or something, I'm catching a few episodes.

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  2. The one from my parents that I find myself saying a lot is "Damnit! You'll never be a famous trapeze artist if you don't learnt to take a fall from the top bunk!"

    But that might be specific to my family.

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    1. But that's very true though. What else are bunk beds good for?

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  3. Drinking tea automatically turns you into your parents. I drink two cups a day and find myself complaining about how little respect young people have these days.

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    1. And once I ditch the laxative tea and switch to something in a "Jasmine" or "Rosemary," it may give me the final push I need to write the great American novel.

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  4. Bwah! Ha! Ha!

    "It's funny, 'cause it's true!" because when I'm not reading my bible, I'm quoting the Simpsons.

    That last line. Oh my gosh. I never, never would have thought I'd be telling my kids how expensive everything is! "You only took one bite out of this honeycrisp apple! That is like a 75 cent apple!"

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    1. Exactly. Now I know why my mom practically had a heart attack when she opened the refrigerator and all the groceries she'd bought the day before, were gone.

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  5. I am constantly telling mine to do crap upstairs. If you're gonna cry like that go upstairs, if you're gonna fight do it upstairs, if you wanna watch that stupid show do it upstairs...etc. Upstairs is a heavenly place. Or pure hell, depending on how you look at it.
    Funny stuff lady! <3 Devan

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    1. Upstairs is the place to be ...for everyone except me.

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  6. Oh I'll give you something to cry about.

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    1. Ha! I think I may have heard that eight billion times growing up. I also might have used that particular phrase before. *whistles innocently*

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  7. You nailed the parent-sayings, spot on.

    What is wonderful is that I get to hear my daughter saying those things to my gr-daughters. very rewarding.

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    1. I'm finally starting to understand why people look forward to grand kids so much. I will be glorious, I tell you.

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