Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Strange Pancakes

"I didn't think your cooking would ever really poison anyone, Susan, but that's what the coroner's report says."
Morning Readers,

I'm reporting to you live from the Split-level, coffee in hand, brand new Justin Timberlake album on the record player.

...Or on iTunes. You guys are always so technical. What with your, "Paige, it's called electricity, not "the devils' magic." Whatever.

Anywho, we here in Kansas are still surrounded by snow, which means that, when the storm hit the other day, the Kellermans were forced to dig around the cabinets and come up with something interesting for dinner. After a tough decision between ambiguous canned goods and ambiguous canned goods, pancakes and bacon were declared the sustenance of the evening, and our last meal if we were to be snowed in forever.

Unlike the lost colony of Roanoke, people would know we'd been there, simply by the lustrous smell of bacon.

But, as I added milk to mix and began eating handfuls of bacon at the same time, I couldn't help concurring with myself that I may be the world's worst pancake maker, just as I concur every time I try to make pancakes.

What you order: Pankcake

What I give you: Something that looks like a decapitated dinosaur.

What you order: Small stack of pancakes

What you're served: A pancake larger than the rims on most Escalades

What you order: Medium-sized pancake with syrup

What you get: Something special I like to call "The Rubik's Cube." The pieces of your pancake have never looked so good, glued together with Mrs. Butterworth's best.*


*The Steamroller, Grand Canyon Adventure, and Chicken Feed are also available on request.

At the end of the day, Husband I were just glad we didn't have to snowshoe it to the grocery store and had dinner handy.

I marched in with a pancake. "Here's yours."

"Did you make it with milk instead of water?"

"I did."

"Looks good."

"It should. It's call "Roadwork in Progress." That's why it's missing a side. The bottom stuck to the pan, and I used that as the base for the next pancake."

I think he liked it, but I feel like I should've stuck with the decapitated dinosaur. It's really my strong suit.

Until next Time, Readers!