Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Strange Pancakes

"I didn't think your cooking would ever really poison anyone, Susan, but that's what the coroner's report says."
Morning Readers,

I'm reporting to you live from the Split-level, coffee in hand, brand new Justin Timberlake album on the record player.

...Or on iTunes. You guys are always so technical. What with your, "Paige, it's called electricity, not "the devils' magic." Whatever.

Anywho, we here in Kansas are still surrounded by snow, which means that, when the storm hit the other day, the Kellermans were forced to dig around the cabinets and come up with something interesting for dinner. After a tough decision between ambiguous canned goods and ambiguous canned goods, pancakes and bacon were declared the sustenance of the evening, and our last meal if we were to be snowed in forever.

Unlike the lost colony of Roanoke, people would know we'd been there, simply by the lustrous smell of bacon.

But, as I added milk to mix and began eating handfuls of bacon at the same time, I couldn't help concurring with myself that I may be the world's worst pancake maker, just as I concur every time I try to make pancakes.

What you order: Pankcake

What I give you: Something that looks like a decapitated dinosaur.

What you order: Small stack of pancakes

What you're served: A pancake larger than the rims on most Escalades

What you order: Medium-sized pancake with syrup

What you get: Something special I like to call "The Rubik's Cube." The pieces of your pancake have never looked so good, glued together with Mrs. Butterworth's best.*


*The Steamroller, Grand Canyon Adventure, and Chicken Feed are also available on request.

At the end of the day, Husband I were just glad we didn't have to snowshoe it to the grocery store and had dinner handy.

I marched in with a pancake. "Here's yours."

"Did you make it with milk instead of water?"

"I did."

"Looks good."

"It should. It's call "Roadwork in Progress." That's why it's missing a side. The bottom stuck to the pan, and I used that as the base for the next pancake."

I think he liked it, but I feel like I should've stuck with the decapitated dinosaur. It's really my strong suit.

Until next Time, Readers!


16 comments:

  1. You could cook for me--my husband would probably consider it an improvement!!

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    1. Well, I guess if he considers food poisoning an improvement, but I'll give it my best shot.

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  2. I used to be really terrible at making pancakes. But I got me a griddle and switched to the "just add water" kind of mix and now my pancakes actually come out round!

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    1. The general consensus seems to be, "Buy a griddle," so I think I'm going to get on that. The sad pan I'm using just isn't cutting it. It also has a questionable coating that qualifies it as "non stick," so there's that.

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  3. Invest in a griddle while I invest in adult diapers for the happy day when your book comes out. So excited!

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    1. I'm so happy you want to buy the book, I'LL buy you the diapers..:)

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  4. I have the George Forman Grill/Griddle, it totally works wonders, because I am truly not that good, lol!! :)

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    1. I'm taking notes from you guys: Griddle, George Forman, make edible food, etc.

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  5. "Not the devil's magic". Perfect. Can I come over for breakfast? And if the writing thing gets old, at least you have a back-up career waiting for you at the nearest diner.

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    1. Well, I would look great in an apron, yelling diner jargon. "Someone get me some eggs on a shingle." Or something like that.

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  6. For our wedding, my husband and I received a griddle that doubles as an aircraft carrier. We did not register for it. However, throwing the pancakes, bacon, and whatever else I pretend is breakfast is a lot more convenient. Doesn't help the taste, but...

    I love you more now that you've mentioned your JT LP :)

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    1. I love that you are a fellow JT fan *moves in for giant hug but tries not to make it awkward*. My parents had a griddle that big, and I think it's high time we have one too.

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  7. LOVE the burnt bottom starter pancake - that's totally me.

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    1. I can make and send you one as well. Do pancakes travel well by post?

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  8. I'm a pretty good cook, but pancakes are tricky. Everything's goes swimmingly until it comes time for flipping. The flipping gets me every time. When I do it it's more of a flop than a flip and flopping is never a good thing!
    Justin- Writing Pad Dad
    Writing Pad Dad Blog
    Writing Pad Dad on Facebook

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  9. "The bottom stuck to the pan, and I used that as the base for the next pancake." OMG - that's completely how I make pancakes, too!

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