Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Order Up

"But you don't even know how to play chess."   ..."I realize that, but if I fake it, maybe my kids will stop asking for things."

Morning Readers,

You know what I love about spring in Kansas? Nothing. Because it's never coming. That's right, people. We're knocking on May's door, and it's still freezing, which means the children and I are in close quarters.

Staring at each other.

Ok, I'm going to back up and erase "staring." That word implies things are quiet and people are stationary. Not so. The fact is, the last seven months of winter have taught me that I'm not just a mother. Blindsided, I have also found restaurant-style employment. 

Excuse me, one of the guests has demanded her hands washed and dried. Hold please.

Ok, I'm back. The good news is I was complimented by two of the patrons, on the PB and Js made from hamburgers buns they were served before this posting. The bad news is I have to go change this morning's viewing from Beauty and the Beast to Curious George.

So, as I was saying, the feeling of being a waitress is pretty heavy right now. I scratched down a few examples for you guys, which I will get to as soon as I get someone a drink of water. It could take a while because it's always "This isn't my glass" this, and "But this one doesn't have the right character on it," that.

That's too much water.
That's not enough water.
I wanted milk.

If I were the type of person who goes insane, I tell ya, I would. But the voices said to just cool it, so I guess I'll get back to telling you all about this waitress thing I'm going through.

Right. Examples. I have them. Because I write things down like a good writer, when I remember. And I'll go grab that note pad in a minute. The baby just ordered a bottle. Which is actually really convenient because his room is on the way to the bathroom, where I need to go ...but not before I get the kids some crayons and paper.

Ok, they need another drink, so I'll run by the kitchen, grab the drinks, crayons, paper and make a bottle. Someone just mentioned the restaurant's bathroom is out of toilet paper, which is good because I was going to swing by there on the way to the baby's room. I'm just not sure how I'm going to hug everyone at the same time.

Two orders for hugs and new one for snacks just came in. I guess those examples I had for you all will just have to wait.

After this shift's over, I'm going to go walk around outside and look for spring. Maybe it needs a bottle and a hug.

Until Next Time, Readers!

16 comments:

  1. A mother/waitress/teacher/chauffeur/doctor's shift is NEVER over!!

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    1. No kidding. I think I just signed up for an 18+ years shift. The pay's not good, but the customers are friendly.

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  3. I don't know how you do it, Paige, I really don't. Every. Single. Post. is a gold.

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    1. *Blushes with abandon* You, my dear are too sweet...:)

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  4. We have a little game in our house - it's really me making fun of the kids. "This is too dry. this is too soggy. This is too spicy. This is to burnty." They think it's hilarious and still keep complaining, so unfortunately it's not working too well...

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  5. You know, Keesha, I went into this parenting thing thinking the reverse psychology thing would work too, but I have a success rate of about 0%. Whoever said that would work, well, we need to have a talk.

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  6. Oh, spring. It's so much easier to ignore the kids' requests when they're outside.

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    1. No kidding. What was that? I can't hear you all the way from the swing set.

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  7. Mmm hmmmm.

    I hear you.

    It's all flooded up in Chi today. Literally. As in no school.

    Good times.

    And so we stare. And I do the waitress thing. In between stints at playing custodian, mopping up the puppy's pee. Yay, spring. And yay, hardwood floors.

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    1. The dog's doing his best to cover every inch of the house in mud. I'd usually put him in the garage, but that's the cat's domain, so I'm SOL until the warm weather gets here. Ugh.

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  8. I'm glad you're not the kind of person to go insane, because my little patrons want some of those PBJs you were talking about, and the baby wants her DINK, DINK which means water that she'll act like she didn't request as soon as you bring it to her table - and by table, I mean where she really is, which is everywhere.

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  9. I live inside this idiotic notion that the weather is always better where I am not. Perhaps it is our proximity to California The Ever Sunny. I studied in Spain one Spring in college and packed no sweater or close-toed shoes assuming that if it wasn't here it was tropical. It is not. In short, I had to apologize to a blogger in Colorado yesterday for posting photos of flowers from our garden while she remains snow-buried and I will do the same to you. I hope Spring finds you soon. Also, I'll have a gin and tonic.

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  10. Yep. Moms are just a bunch of non-paid waitresses, taxi-drivers, maids, and cooks. Yikes. But I was laughing out loud, as usual. :)

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  11. I'm dying laughing! This is too true for any caregiver... I remember my Mom, directed at me and my four siblings, saying "I am not a short order cook! Eat it or go hungry!" It annoyed me as a 12 year old, but as a nanny now I TOTALLY get it!

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  12. I try so hard to hold to "The kitchen is closing in 10 minutes!" thing, but I am weak, so very weak. As it turns out, my baby likes her PB and J on hot dog buns...that is until I bought a whole pack just for that purpose...It's like they KNOW and are doing it on purpose!!
    Very funny post! <3 Devan

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