Tuesday, June 18, 2013

How To Almost Not Be On TV

A great way to sell books is to have whatever TV station you're working with confuse you with a mass murderer.

Afternoon Readers,

Well, it happened. But just barely. While I sit here and eat bits of rotisserie chicken, I can't help reflect on yesterday's undertaking. And, while I could wax eloquently about my journey from coffee pot to screen, it's really better I put it in a list.

1.) Wake children up at ungodly hour. While same offspring are eating breakfast, try to do your hair. Realize that child is throwing up downstairs. Put hair in crappy ponytail.

2.) Convince all children that, although the sun's not up, it's time to get dressed and get in the van. Throw all things needed to get ready into the van. It's fine. You're still running on schedule.

3.) Drop all children off, get dressed, realize you are now running behind schedule, and you also have no idea where you're going.

4.) Ten minutes before you're supposed to be at the studio, call Husband and say sweet things like:

"I have no idea where I'm going and they're going to hate me."

"I don't know why I ever thought I could be a writer."

"What do you mean the GPS needs to be set to Missouri and not Kansas?"

5.) Relieved, you're back on track and the Garmin says you'll be there two minutes late. Not bad.

6.) Hit downtown Kansas City construction and freak out. Bad.

7.) Do makeup while trying to figure out if the people behind you are honking angrily or applauding your skill with foundation.

8.) Get call from producer wondering where you are, almost get hit by another car, desperately try not to weep as you realize your segment was supposed to begin, um, now.

9.) Find TV station, thrown on heels no one will see, sprint through door, and be greeted with, "You're on right now."

10.) Drop microphone down dress, plop down in front of room full of news folk, realize you didn't put on any eyeliner. Start talking.

And so it went. Hectic? Yes. But I loved every minute of it and I'm ready for Kathy Lee and Hoda whenever they'll have me. Oh, and in case you're wondering, they told me they don't post clips online anymore, so you'll just have to have faith I looked a hot mess in front of the Metro area.

Until Next Time, Readers!