Friday, June 21, 2013

What Do You Get the Man Who Has Stuff You've Already Given Him?

"I was going to wait for our five year, but then I thought, "No, any time's a good time for a giant wheel."

Morning Readers,

Ya know, you start posting on Tuesday instead of Monday, and then, before you know it, it's Friday, and you just sit there staring at the wall, wondering...

"Why do I always think that scuff spot is a spider?"

"Maybe it's a really old spider after all."

"I think my anniversary's next month and I have no idea what to get Husband."

"Spiders make terrible gifts."

My days have gotten away from me just a tad, but I've pulled myself together enough to confirm Husband and I will celebrate our four year wedding anniversary on July 3rd, and also that the internet agrees I should be out shopping for linen, silk or some type of appliance. I'm going to assume the appliance is either a corkscrew or a loom that weaves linen or silk.

2013 will be the year of the linen napkin. Watch out. You guys are getting one whether you like it or not.

The thing is, as nice as the traditional gifts seem, I've questioned Husband enough while he's falling asleep to feel like I know the man. Therefore, I've taken it upon myself to brainstorm a few gifts I feel would be far more appropriate for a four year anniversary that feels like a thirty year anniversary.

 Four Year Anniversary Gifts

(from the desk of Paige Kellerman - tolerable gift giver and expert ribbon curler)

1.) One pack underwear embroidered with, "You Wear Em, You Wash Em."

2.) A brand new copy stained with coffee to look like an old copy of Romance:The Beginner's Guide To Dish Washing, Sock Matching, and Getting Up With the Children When One Slaps You In the Face

3.) Chocolate. He does love chocolate.

4.) A Voucher for a free hug and pep talk.

5.) Voucher for enthusiastic eyebrow raising and, "Oh, no she didn't" hand motion.
*If used in conjunction with Voucher for free hug and pep talk, this is counted as one instance, and vouchers may not be separated on any other occasion.)

6.) Extremely soft concert t-shirts which, coincidentally, fit both of us

7.) Too much beer for one person to drink

8.) An, "I forgive you for putting a dent in my car" pre-written note

9.) A new car seat for Doc. (Babies tend to time growing out of things around anniversaries so you remember the milestone fondly and forget that the money you were about to spend on dinner out is now sitting in the back seat of the van, strapping them in like their headed for the moon.)

10.) Let him have the good spot on the couch without complaining. Let him sleep in without complaining. Give him the last bite of ice cream without complaining. Find him a nice linen shirt.

No matter, I've got twelve days to figure out how to operate this loom, so this looks to be our best anniversary ever.

Until Next Time, Readers!