Friday, August 23, 2013

2013: A Dryer Odyssey

After Bill suggested she start drying clothes outside, Marlene began to wonder whether the line was strong enough to tie up a full grown man.

Afternoon Readers,

Well, the bets are in, and in the race to break first, the dryer beat out the van, the other car, and microwave by a long shot.

Don't worry, all other appliances are still putting in the effort to quit working, but we're really proud of the washing machine's soul mate for biting it before either one of us could say, "Did you time the dryer to run all night without stopping?"

When Husband did finally ask that question, I only had the faintest idea of what was going on, and carefully answered, "I thought that rhythmic thrumming I heard all night was my heart producing copious amounts of love for you."

"I don't think so."

"Huh, then maybe it was that really wet blanket I put in there. Anything's possible."

Ideas of what to do with the new conundrum soon began flying, and their seemed to be a difference in opinion on what to do. Someone, who shall remain unnamed, called me at home and suggested I go buy a clothesline.

While I was thrilled I could hear through the earpiece the baby had chewed on, I had my qualms. "But it's not even 1925."

"Yes, but we need to dry clothes."

"Clearly, dearest, but I can just call a repair man. It's what I do. I do that almost as well as I avoid cleaning the bathroom. Let me show you my finesse."

"I'll fix it myself. And, in the meantime, I'll go buy the clothesline."

There were two things wrong with this plan. First off, hanging clothes on the spider-frequented deck freaked me out, the thought of finding Wild Kingdom in my bra was enough to make me shut down negotiations. Secondly, Husband, while having the ability to fix most things, does so sporadically because he's usually working to feed all Kellermans who reside here.

I estimated the fix time to be around Christmas.

However, after all children had gone to bed and I'd returned from my milk, wine, Skittles run, I padded down the stairs to find a rather attractive man with bloodied knuckles engaged in combat with the dryer that no longer cared about us.

"How's it going?"

He looked up. "Only time will tell. Eight of these screws came out and only four are going back in."

I nodded. "Well, you know what they say, "As long as the back of the dryer doesn't fall off, a fifty-percent success rate counts as a hundred-percent success rate."

For the next few minutes, I lent moral support, held a lamp, and only excused myself once to go check on the children, who I was sure were walking around upstairs. After which, I returned with a glass of wine.

"Were the kids up?"

"No, it was the wine. The wine was walking around. The kids are actually asleep. Interesting."

But, you know what? The dryer works. He fixed it.

Which means I'm an ass and need to learn to believe my husband more often. Oh yes, and there won't be spiders in my bra.

It also means, before he knows it was there, I'll spend the next few minutes scraping Laffy Taffy off the bottom of his dress shoes the twins just presented me with.

Just my way of saying, "Thank You."

Until Next Time, Readers!






20 comments:

  1. Do you suppose your husband can fix my husband? At Bud's age (81) some parts may not still be available!!

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    1. Ha! You and Bud deserve to let someone fix everything around the house. When I'm retired, everything's getting hired out ...or I'll go live on a beach somewhere. I'm undecided.

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  2. That happened to us last December. I dried (froze) our clothes on the deck and on every available surface for 2 weeks before we could replace it. I'm sure my neighbors loved my reenactment of "Laura Ingalls Wilder Does Laundry." On the plus side, no spiders in my bra. Yay for your husband! It's nice to have a handy man around.

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    1. You do have a point. At least when laundry dries in the summer, everything's fairly toasty. Spiders, yet toasty.

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  3. Blergh. The neighbors decided to dry their stuff by hanging it off of the umbrella over their deck table. Even though they had a perfectly good dryer in the house. For three years I had to see the entire family's underwear a-flappin' in the breeze. So, yeah, I'm anti-clothes line too.

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    1. I would've braved putting shorts and shirts out, but the underwear would've had to find a place around the table, counter, and dog kennel. Ain't nobody seeing my sad collection.

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  4. Don't you love how all of the appliances always seem to break at the same time!? I really think they plan it that way.

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    1. They really do plan it that way. My mom always says that her house can smell if she's got some extra money, because that's when something always breaks.

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  5. Your dryer and my dishwasher are in cahoots! Strangely, our husbands must be, too - mine completely took the dishwasher apart, put it mostly back together, and now it works again! I didn't even know appliances *had* insides. I'm glad he knew; I almost had to wash the dishes by hand. I mean, I still have to wash them before they go in the dishwasher - he didn't make the thing magical - but I don't have to put-away-in-the-cabinet level wash them.

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    1. I'm thoroughly impressed at both our husbands being able to take things apart and put them back together. Because you know if you and I took something apart, we'd be drinking wine and Googling "new dishwasher/dryer combo."

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  6. Yeah for handyman hubbies!! Mine also has the dilemma as to when he'll have time to do what he can do cheaper than I can pay to have it done. Keeping my fingers crossed on the other appliances for ya, I mean, they're already crossed for mine, so why not! :)

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    1. Thanks, Jolie! I'm not trying to jinx myself, but if the van can just hold out until 2014 for repairs, I'll consider us winning at life.

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  7. Wild Kingdom in your bra - HA! My mom used to dry most of our clothes on the clothesline in our backyard. One day, someone stole all of our underwear and bras. Makes me feel dirty just thinking about it.

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    1. Oh my gosh, I'd feel dirty too. And sad for the people running around in my old sports bras and underwear in lackluster colors. Underwear thieves, they're out there.

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  8. Have your husband talk to my husband. I asked my man to hang a few hooks for keys and other things my children try to eat. We're going on 3 months. THREE MONTHS. In the meantime, I've lost a house key and a really cute key chain. Boo. Hiss.

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    1. How is it that we spend so much time in our houses and yet home projects are always the last to get done? I have yet to get the Christmas stuff back into the attic, and now that we're rounding September, I may just decorate early.

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  9. It does seem to be a conspiracy that the appliances have going, doesn't it? The Missus disagrees. She thinks the manufacturers are to blame. She calls it "planned obsolescence". In other words, some guy at the dryer company conspires with some guy at the water heater company and plans a date when both appliances will cease operation without warning in a highly successful effort to force unsuspecting customers (like us) to buy expensive things more often than we should have to. I think she may be on to something.

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    1. I think your wife might have a point. If I hadn't seen if happen my whole life, I wouldn't believe it, but how is it that everything breaks at the exact same time? I'm to the point where I'm just not going to let the microwave talk to the dishwasher anymore.

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  10. Impressive. Touche, husband Kellerman.

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