Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Excuse Me, Waiter...

"I usually take mine with a little cream and sand ...but not too much sand."
Afternoon Readers,

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it, but my dear companion, Mr. Coffee, died suddenly a while back.

Exactly. If that can happen here, it can happen in you house too.

I'll let you process your shock quietly before we move on.

Breathe.

Now then, like most large, coffee-related changes in my life, it was tough to grapple with. Since kicking cigarettes (No applause, please. Every day is a day I try desperately not to spark a rolled up Post-it note with "Camel" scrawled on it simply to get a hint of the experience), coffee has been the Universe's way of feeding my fix. So, a reliable coffee machine is most importante to my existence.

Enter, Black and Decker.

What?

Well, I've been asked that question many times, and I, like I say, time and time again, Keurigs make one cup at a time. I, on the other hand, prefer to make a gallon of coffee I can pour steadily into my blood stream all morning, and use the extra to bathe in, if the mood hits me.

Hold on. I need more coffee. Be right back.

See how fast that was? Roughly a seven second turn around time to get back here. Can't get that with a Keurig.

So, like I was saying, Black and Decker. Sounds like 1850's code for being punched in the face, but in modern day, it means sweet, sweet coffee.

When Husband brought the white devil home, it looked nothing like Mr. Coffee. No suave voice. No advice to start my morning. No coffee ring stain around the bottom to kind of make it look like he was smiling. But, it made coffee.

Decent coffee. Coffee that was hot and made me not hate the sun.

After a while, I came to have a respect for the new giver of caffeine water, and started looking forward to brandishing my cup, trying not to inwardly squeal, and making casual yet business appropriate conversation. "Looks like you made six cups today. Good to have you aboard. I'll take all of them. By the way, that's a great tie."

The betrayal didn't happen until this morning.

For, just as I was about to pile high the coffee grounds, I saw it.

"Black and Decker, is that a fly in the water?"

No answer.

"Because, if it is, I'm appalled. Mainly because this shows you're holding some sort of grudge ...and also because I've been drinking fly-infused coffee for an unspecified amount of time."

I'm not going to fire him. The thought of training a replacement exhausts me.

But it does kind of make me want to get a Keurig.

Until Next Time, Readers!










16 comments:

  1. I can't drink coffee so I'm a tea girl myself and if I don't have it? Chaos. CHAOS, I say! My key is my Hot Shot. It warms up a single cup of water in less than a minute. Bam! Perfection.

    Good luck with your java, my friend. Keep selling that best-selling book and splurge on a Keurig ;)

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    1. Tea is delightful in itself. I'm a huge fan of hot tea at night. I'm still in cahoots with the old school metal tea kettle, and I shall keep it forever.

      But, if the book takes off, I might just splurge on that Keurig.

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  2. Can't you just buy plain caffeine?

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    1. Now that you bring this up, why is that not an option? Then again, I think it does come in pill form, but I can't dip graham crackers in those, so coffee it is.

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  3. Excuse me while I go fix my coffee--it is a Keurig brand with little pods. Makes just enough, fresh each time.

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    1. You do have a point, Susan. Those little cups come out so fresh and delicious. I just need the Keurig people to come out with a machine I can stick a gallon bucket under.

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  4. I'm not a coffee drinker so I don't understand your customs and ways, but my wife is. Our coffee producing machine recently died and now she's mad at me for not drinking coffee because it makes it harder for her to justify buying a very spendy replacement.

    To make coffee don't you just add some beans to water? Why do you need a expensive contraption to do it? Seems ridiculous. And why is my wife still mad at me?

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    1. I hate to break it to you, Christian, but if you keep this up, your wife may smother you in your sleep. Do the right thing. Get her a Mr. Coffee. I haven't forgiven Black and Decker enough to recommend him yet.

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  5. Another excuse to continue my love affair with Diet Dr. Pepper. Woot!

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    1. I do love me some Diet Dr. Pepper. It makes a good interim drink between morning coffee and evening coffee. I can't do coffee for lunch.

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  6. I'm with you. Why would I pay a squillion dollars for a Keurig when it makes only one cup at a time? No no, I have the Mr. Coffee, plus a thermal carafe to keep the coffee all nice and hot so I can pour it into my gullet all morning long. Mmmmmm... coffee.

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    1. First of all, it takes a long time to save up a squillion dollars, so yes, those of us who need coffee intravenously have to make the correct financial decision.

      And that means something which makes troughs of coffee.

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  7. Sometimes, I push my Cuisinart too far. Just because he thinks he can handle 12, his cup overfloweth all over my counter. I pat him on the black plastic lid and tell him that anyone would be proud of 10 cups!

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    1. That's the only drawback. The numbers on the water measure don't necessarily coincide with how much the poor thing can actually hold. That aside, I cheer it on for its efforts, and welcome ten cups any day of the wee.

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  8. I am not a morning person at all. I need my coffee before anyone can get an answer out of me. However, I just can't make a pot of coffee. My hubby is the morning guy and will have it all ready except on those days when he is out of town. I stare at that machine and it still will not produce my steaming mug of clarity. I'm a kept woman, I suppose.

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  9. Since being impregnated for the third time, I've found I have a very real aversion to HOT coffee. But iced coffee? Heaven. And in my aversion to hot I went all bananas and sold my Keurig and the trillions of k-cups that went along with it. I made a small fortune and will now blow it at Starbucks. Brilliant, really.

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