Thursday, August 29, 2013

There's A Chance I Might Win Something

"Now that you mention it, I did win that "Knit a Scarf For A Hamster In Under A Minute" competition a few years back."
Morning Readers,

I'm taking a break from watching Sundance dress up in my maternity clothes from last summer to share some exciting news.

At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles just might win something.

I know what you're thinking. Why are my maternity clothes just sitting in a tub by my bed? The attic. It's a long trip, and Rubbermaid containers make great sidetables.

Oh, the book.

Well, at first she didn't want to enter, but, "Book," I said, "Book, I'm going to enter you in this contest because I believe in you. And also because I have no idea what I'm doing."

She went on to explain how it was a little narcissistic, but when she thought about it, the publicity could be good, and, as long as her cover was displayed in a size that didn't make her look fat, she was ok with it.

You know, you write something, and then it turns out it's completely ungrateful.

At any rate, Cankles is a finalist in the Shirley You Jest! book awards, and I'm very proud of her, and of all you guys who have supported the book, bought the book, and admitted you know me to people in your real life. I know that talk can be awkward.

The winner won't be announced until November, but, to bide the time, I'd like to walk down memory lane and take a look at some of my other achievements where I almost won something, or won something no one's heard of.

1995: I win the pumpkin carving contest at a local bank grand opening. Judges are stunned by my pumkin dressed as Elvis, and I'm awarded a gift certificate for something. I think it may have been to Toys R' US. I may have bought a pogo stick.

Somewhere between 1997-99: I'm awarded an honorable mention in a national essay competition centered around Ayn Rand's book, The Fountainhead. I received a very important-looking piece of paper.

(Requests for copies of this essay may be submitted to my mother. I think it's in the basement somewhere.)

I also need to go back read the book because I don't totally remember what it's about.

1996: I call into the local oldies radio station and win tickets to a reunion concert for The Rascals. My dad takes me and a friend. He's a really great dad because I wouldn't have taken me to that concert.

2000: I call into yet another radio station and win a chance to win a BMW and tickets to an N'SYNC concert. Carefully calculating the clues given, I estimate the key to the car to be somewhere around a popcorn machine in a KC metro area AMC 30.

If you want to see my BMW or autographed N'SYNC t-shirt, I can't show them to you because I didn't win them.

So there you have it, some of my larger accomplishments in life.

And now, we wait with baited breath for the results of this newest accolade.

Until Next Time, Readers!