Thursday, November 14, 2013

Moving and Shaking

"The times you're having your foundation worked on are also great times to make cocoa from scratch."

Morning Readers,

I'm happy to report that, at 9pm last night, the foundation people finished pushing the Split level back out of the ground and setting it right with the world. The process was fairly smooth, with only a few minor hiccups.

I'm almost seventy-eight percent sure they meant to warn me before they picked up the entire house and dropped it.

I feel that's normally something you give the old heads up on, but I also misquote Hall and Oats songs occasionally, so I'm not not totally in the loop.

What I lack in information, I make up for in imaginary engineering skills, so it was with confidence I walked up to the Foreman and raised my hand. "Excuse me."


"When you left yesterday, I took count of the holes you dug-"

"You counted the holes?"

"It's a chronic problem really. Since childhood, I've been silently tallying the holes I come across. Mainly in logic. Sometimes in cheese. My findings all point to Swiss."

Bracing himself against the November cold and information he knew he didn't want to hear, he stuck his hands in his pockets and nodded. "What seems to be the problem?"

"While I'm delighted you're digging through the underpinnings of our home, I couldn't help but notice you missed a couple spots."

"I don't think we did."

"Nope. You're salesman clearly sold me holes here and here. You're digging there and there. So, I'm not getting the holes I originally purchased."

"But the salesman told us these were the holes you needed."

*Insert brief silence and sounds of people chattering, digging the wrong holes, and microwaving Hot Pockets in the garage. When having a debate about holes you've procured, it's best to give the other party time to think. 'Hole etiquette' is how it's referred to in the imaginary engineering world I mentally traverse.*

"Well, if that's what he told you, that's what we'll do. I'll put an extra pier on the corner there."

I breathed an inward sigh of relief. "Thank you. It's just that I talked to my husband about it, and we both feel that supporting all four corners of a square is probably the most solid plan."

"Sounds good. Mam?"


"Are you all right?

"Uh huh, why?"

"You look all puffed up."

"Oh, I breathed a sigh inwardly and forgot to let it out. People who know me call this look the 'Satisfied Blowfish'."

Only one brief incident of almost rolling across the floor when they picked up our little piece of Better Homes and Gardens later, and the whole thing was put to rights. Minus the cracks, dug up lawn, and lost equity.

And now, the laundry list of home improvement projects begins. In the meantime, you guys talk amongst yourselves and decide which one of you is going to buy it.

No rush.

Maybe a little rush.

I'm off to go buy paint brushes.

Until Next Time, Readers!