Friday, January 17, 2014

Because I'm Not a Tax Man

"Remember to buy your monkey suspenders so you can pass them off as a dependent."

Morning Readers,

Well, it's Friday. Which means absolutely nothing to me because I thought today was Saturday and had to ask Husband for some clarification.

Ugh, I don't even know how I'm going to write this post, I'm so distracted by Salvador Perez pressing his face against the front window and mewing like we never feed him and don't let him sleep in the warm basement, on a couch he has all to himself.  That cat has no responsibilities. He really needs to get a job and stop staring at me.

*Goes to get coffee and ignore possessed animal*

Ok, the cat left, so I can get back to the grind, which more or less includes feeding the children and preparing excuses for my tax person. Normally, I do our taxes, and I relish every single deduction I'm guessing we can take, but this year I'm handing over the reigns to a professional.  Husband's relieved, if only for the reason we don't have to have this conversation anymore:

"So, you finished the taxes?"
"Yep!"
"And you think everything was done right?"
"Maybe!"

I have faith in my ability to answer yes or no questions on an automated program, but there are certain complications this year prompting me to call people who don't do taxes in a bathrobe, while wearing leopard print slippers and yelling, "Who turned the thermostat to ninety?" My only concern hinges on how much explanation I'll need to do with the person I get the all important appointment with.

Tax Person:  So, when it asked if you were single or not, you've said "yes" for the last five years?"

Me: Yeah, for one reason or another, Husband and I are usually fighting during tax season, so I get a little passive aggressive.

Tax Person: And it says here you claimed twelve dependents last year.

Me: Yes.

Tax Person: You only have three children.

Me: But it feels like I have twelve.

Tax Person: Mrs. Kellerman?

Me: Yes?

Tax Person: You can't write off things you buy at the liquor store.

Me: Those are business expenses.

Tax Person: You don't own a business.

Me: You're obviously not aware of how much booze it takes to run our little abode.

It's a work in progress. Mostly, I'm still waiting on W2s and 1099s and someone to pull the cat away from the window. The actual conversation I have when sitting down with the professionals should be ten times more horrifying. I'll keep you posted.

Until Next Time, Readers!






41 comments:

  1. You might want to consult with a tax expert, a real one. Somehow I don't think your approach will work well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, definitely going to need someone certified in taxes and certified in trying to interpret frazzled mothers.

      Delete
  2. You just described by 'Doing the Taxes' outfit to a T. Someday if I ever make money doing this writing thing I may hand off the taxes to my husband.


    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Sorry, sometimes I crack myself up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you don't brush your hair beforehand and eat a box of donuts at the same time, we're practically twins.

      Delete
  3. LOL. Hubby and I actually schedule in our Tax Day Argument. It goes better for us now that we don't have cats. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're so busy these days, scheduling our fights is next on the to-do list.

      Delete
  4. Paige, you done sucked me in with this post. You had better post an update with a blow-by-blow of the real convo with Mr. Tax Man. In fact, I'm subscribing to your blog just so I won't miss it...and this line here: But it feels like I have twelve. I feel you, Paige...I feel you. Based on our last correspondence on Twitter, you *know* how I feel about that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I'm for sure going to keep track of the advice I actually get. Because, if there's a way I qualify to claim twelve dependents, I'm all ears. And thank you so, so much for following this ridiculous corner of the internet!

      Delete
  5. Pick Qualified Packers and Movers Ghaziabad for Packing Moving

    Packers and Movers Delhi @ http://3th.co.in/packers-and-movers-delhi/
    Packers and Movers Faridabad @ http://3th.co.in/packers-and-movers-faridabad/
    Packers and Movers Ghaziabad @ http://3th.co.in/packers-and-movers-ghaziabad/
    Packers and Movers Noida @ http://3th.co.in/packers-and-movers-noida/

    ReplyDelete
  6. How did you can avail the experts services Of listed Adword India's No 1 companies?
    Thanks for information: http://www.adword.co.in/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Exoprt Packers and Movers India are known to provide moving and packing services at the rates that actually fit in your budget and make you local shifting solutions experts for amazing rather than being filth only.
    Packers and Movers in Pune
    Packers and Movers in Mumbai
    Packers and Movers in Hyderabad
    Packers and Movers in Bangalore
    Packers and Movers in Chennai

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very interesting blog. Alot of blogs I see these days don't really provide anything that I'm interested in, but I'm most definately interested in this one. Just thought that I would post and let you know.
    geometry dash| sniper games |happy wheels demo | happy wheels 2 |agario

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks for giving me the useful information. I think I need it!

    - Happy Wheels
    - FNAF World
    - FNAF
    - Five Nights At Freddy's

    ReplyDelete
  10. Let’s keep out sites for your child! click:
    brain games | puzzle games | tetris | happy wheels | agario | abcya | fnaf 4 | super mario games
    To play for free!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good to know that such kind of posts are there to help ignorant and novice people.
    - Mortal Kombat XL
    - Atari Breakout
    - Dragon Ball Z Games

    ReplyDelete
  12. Look pretty indeed be a desire for anyone, male or female. Here I will give you tips on how to keep the skin to stay beautiful and normal.

    Khasiat Lidah Buaya Untuk Keloid Di Kulit Tubuh

    Obat Menghilangkan Keloid Dengan Cepat Dan Aman

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for sharing the information. It is very useful for my future. keep sharing. Can you play more games at :
    Temple Run 2
    Temple Run
    baixar Temple Run 2
    jogos Temple Run 2

    ReplyDelete
  14. Let’s keep are safe place to play the very best free games for kids! Please click:
    slither.io | wings.io | happy wheels | abcya | fnaf 4 to play for free!

    ReplyDelete
  15. With a Hotmail account, you can send and receive emails quickly and easily as well as login and use all Microsoft services.
    hotmail login | recover hotmail password

    This is the game so players feel very fierce , adventurous . You try to join and play this game , you will feel great like.
    fireboy and watergirl 2 | learn to fly | gun mayhem 2 | slitherio
    strike force heroes | strike force heroes 4 | tank trouble 2 | age of war

    ReplyDelete
  16. Chaos Faction 2 with 29 weapons, 18 characters, 15 levels, 14 months in the making... the best games you will like its, have fun! Super mechs is a turn-based online strategy multiplayer game where you build your very own mech and use it to dominate your opponents, be they A.I. or other players like yourself! Mahjong free games online is a puzzle game based on the same tiles. The goal is to match open pairs of identical tiles and remove them from the board, exposing the tiles under them for play

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tree House Resort, Jaipur is the main common tree house resort around the local area loaning a serene and near nature experience to its visitors. This acclaimed resort is situated in the midst of slopes, woods and streams. It gives a perfect setting to a one of a kind ordeal.
    Visit: http://resortsnearjaipur.com/

    ReplyDelete
  18. New Year Packages 2017 near Delhi NCR. New Year 2017 is an

    occasion of delights. So let's celebrate it together with

    enjoyable and a wonderful seasoning

    http://newyearpackage.co.in/

    ReplyDelete
  19. New Year is the time at which a new calendar year begins and the calendar's year count increments by one. Many cultures celebrate the event in some manner.The most happening New Year Parties in Delhi NCR, delectable food, rocking music by renowned DJs and the wildest crowd. The most comprehensive
    http://newyearpackagesneardelhi.com/

    ReplyDelete

  20. New Year 2017 is an event of pleasures. So we should praise it together with charming and a brilliant flavoring of move gathering, boundless beverages, mixed drink, barkeeps, bucketful of snacks, commencement to be the most energizing one and exquisite scrumptious food stuff with New Year bundles close Delhi.
    visit: New Year Packages 2017

    ReplyDelete
  21. It’s time to focus on New Year. The day of New Year is not as simple like other days but its time of new beginnings, fresh starts, and promises for a bright and successful year.
    New Year 2017 HD Wallpapers
    Christmas Wishes 2016
    Christmas Messages 2016
    New Year 2017 Facebook DP
    New Year Wishes 2017
    Happy New Year 2017 Wishes

    ReplyDelete