Monday, January 27, 2014

The Old Watering Hole

"Howdy, mam. Point me to your Kohler."

Morning Readers,

If you were to ask our friends how much Husband and I get out of the house, dollars to donuts, they'd probably look at you and say, "Who?"

Besides a social life, the only other casualty this relationship has suffered is an accurate point of reference for normal behavior. We don't get out, spend almost one hundred percent of our time telling people to stop eating things they find on the garage floor, and, because of this, end up waist deep in conversations about what "people in the real world" do.

"Well, they don't do that."

Before he shook the water out of his mustache and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, Husband gave me a quizzical look. "What are you talking about? Of course they do."

"Nope. No they don't."

We'd hit a stalemate, as this was the third time in two weeks this conversation had come in to play. Each time my beloved shoved his head under the kitchen or bathroom faucet to get a drink, the urge to ask him about it and walk him to where the glassware was stored in no particular order overwhelmed me.

"Honestly, I don't know why it bothers you so much. I'm sure if you saw people on a regular basis, and asked them how often they stuck their head in the sink instead of wasting a clean glass, by putting water in it and then calling it dirty, they'd agree with me."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"I was just humoring you. No they wouldn't! Glass companies don't stay in business because Americans just walk around sticking their heads down next to dried toothpaste and old rust stains that look vaguely like the Washington Monument. I'd love to be a fly in the wall at that board meeting. "Well guys, no one's using cups anymore, but let's just keep loading the shelves so people have something to leave on their nightstands and humanely trap spiders with."

"Ugh, woman, you're ridiculous. That would never happen."

A shiver went up my spine. "Of course it wouldn't. I'd never put a spider under a cup. I say kill them before they eat your family. Listen, we bought glasses so we could use them. Admittedly, they were mostly given as a wedding gift, but our friends and family had every intention of buying them so we could hydrate ourselves, not shove our heads under the old spout and snort around like wildebeests."

Clearly, we weren't getting anywhere. (He doesn't even believe in killing spiders, so I'm not sure what we originally saw in each other.)

In a supposed checkmate, my other half motioned to something invisible. "Wasn't there a time, any time, when you drank too much and had to get up in the middle of the night to get a drink? Are you saying you've never just put your head under the faucet?"

I nodded. "Here and there. But I think the key to that scenario is that I'd been drinking. You perpetuate this ridiculousness when you're sober. I'd like to see anyone inhale five Long Island ice teas and not try to quench their horrendous, 2am thirst by rolling around in a bathtub."

"There you go."

"I'm not admitting defeat. I'm going to ask the internet."

"Love you."

"Oh, go stick your head in a sink somewhere."

So, if you all would be so kind, please tell me, what do other people do? Is drinking straight from the tap acceptable? Or have we been holed up here too long? You're right. It could be both.

Until Next Time, Readers!

15 comments:

  1. Husbands. We can't live with 'em; we can't live without 'em. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have produced people to tell to stop eating things they find on the garage floor. Your wildebeests and Long Island Iced Tea references were gifts that'll keep me chucking all day -- so thank you for that...oh, and my answer: I'm Team Paige. Yeah, I use a glass. All the time. Not that I'm uber-sophisticated or anything; it's just that coming face to face with old, dried toothpaste (and believe me, we've got lots of that around here) kinda grosses me out.

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    1. Agreed. It's the stuff on the bottom of the sink that really freaks me out. And I do clean the sinks pretty regularly, but still, things lurk. I pass on the lurky things staring right back at me while I hydrate.

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  2. How do you do that without getting your hair all wet?

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    1. I couldn't. Apparently his mustache is indifferent.

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  3. I'm team Paige. And while my hubby does the dunk for rinsing after brushing his teeth, I have a cup on my side of the sink. Also, my hubby is the reason cup factories stay in business - if he has a drink at breakfast, he has "used" that cup. He will get a new one for snack, lunch, dinner, snack, etc. This is why I have an upper rack on the dishwasher. For his cups. Thankfully he works at an office so I don't have cupapalooza except on the weekends. :) But what would I do if not pick up his cups?

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    1. Go Team Paige! Not that I'm trying to build factions here, but I'll take all the support I can get. As for Cupapalooza, the twins kick that off every morning at about 6am. They're sneaky about it though, and how I have about thirty cups staring at me at the end of the day, I'll never know.

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    1. Exactly. You and I, thinking alike. Kindred spirits.

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  5. Also Team Paige. I did that as a kid, but haven't since then. And spiders suck. I would never violate one of my precious wedding gifts by trying to release the stupid demon into the wild again when it will most likely try to come back in my house and bring all of it's eight-legged demon spawn with it.

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    1. Exactly, it's a violation of those sweet wedding gifts. Grab a broom and start whacking things is what I say.

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  6. My husband is much more in favour of the "tip the brita pitcher over his mouth" move in order to save on glass ware. I'm with you on this one though.

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    1. If the Brita pitcher hadn't been broken and turned into the Koolaid pitcher, I could see all types of problems arising.

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  7. Water bottles, cups, mugs, glasses all work around my house. The only time I will ever drink from the sink is if it is the middle of the night and I have swallowed the Sahara desert. Even then I put my hand out there and drink from that.

    You are lucky if that is the only place your husband drinks from without a glass. I have caught mine drinking directly from the juice bottle then putting it back in the refrigerator. I have informed him that this means that I have to throw this juice away so if he starts it, he better finish it. This also applies the jar of applesauce that I have seen him reintroduce a spoon to after it has been in his mouth.

    He rolls his eyes at me and says "but you are willing to kiss me..." That is completely NOT the same thing and if he keeps up his antics, there will be much less kissing... :-D

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  8. I will cup my hand under the running water for rinsing after tooth brushing only - no one here (as far as I know) guzzles directly from the stream. However, my husband will, in an emergency (several times a week) sneeze into the sink as if we don't have 11,000 boxes of tissues everywhere. So we have dirty glasses but clean tissues? Still messed up. Also, part of the reason I would never drink with my face in the sink, aka sneeze central.

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  9. Team Paige all the way! How will we ever break the rest of the ugly crystal glasses from our wedding if people start drinking from taps??

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