Thursday, February 6, 2014

Twenty Four More Weeks of Winter

Snowy the Snow Owl saw his shadow, which means you're not making it out alive.

Afternoon Readers,

I'm reporting live from the Split level, where there's snow for miles and sanity is just a fun idea we like to talk about.

It's winter everywhere, but there's something about winter in Kansas that, when the sparkly sheen of the first dusting wears off, makes one realize she could be snowed in forever, and ever and ever. The kids aren't laughing at my jokes anymore. I'm not laughing at them tripping me with cookie sheets anymore. It just got real up in here.

And we're all out of actual cookie dough.

Hmm? You didn't tune in today for a dose of raw, unfiltered, unfettered, untreated, rough-hewn, redundant dose of sheer desperation? No fear, there's a chart.

You're not in Kansas, but that's ok. I've pulled together a quick 5-Day weather reference so you can accurately gauge what those chilly temps mean to the average iced-in parent:

Thursday - 15 degrees and snowing

Feels Like: We should've moved to Florida last year.

Friday - 5 degrees and snowing

Feels Like: Complete panic because we can't get out of the driveway. Did we buy enough food? If it came down to it, could the dog sustain us? Quiet, the dog's looking over here. I think he heard us.

Saturday - 10 degrees and partly cloudy

Feels Like: Two adults fighting over who gets to go shovel the driveway. Loser has to stay inside and figure out who peed on the floor in the bathroom. (The dog is eventually blamed, the trumped up charges leading to a stronger case for eating him.)

Sunday - 22 degrees and partly cloudy

Feels Like: The kids have never seemed this loud before. Have they always been this loud?

Monday - 12 degrees and possibly snowing

Feels Like: We might not make it. Oh, and we're out of food. There's always the dog. Nope, dog tunneled out of here last night. Every man, woman and child for themselves.

By my estimation, there's only about twenty-four more weeks of winter, but I could be wrong. That's just what it feels like.

Until Next Time, Readers!


  1. I honestly feel for you although I can't fully relate. I'm in Florida and it's been in the 80s here for days. But just an afternoon of the kids being inside is overwhelming. So good luck and Godspeed. And when you're ready to visit down here, give us a call!

    1. Florida sounds wonderful! I haven't been there in quite a while, but if it's a snowless as when I visited, count me as jealous, jealous, jealous.

  2. We're in Michigan, so it's been hell here, too. I've got one more for ya:
    Today -- 40 more days until spring.
    Feels like -- What's the use in counting down because we get snow in these parts until late April anyway.

    Still, I'm beyond desperate, so count down, I shall:

    1. OK, Michigan trumps Kansas in the winter department. Still, I'm going to join you in that countdown and pray that April gets here, um, today.

  3. I was born and raised in Michigan, spent 5 years in Mississippi, then was abruptly moved to New England. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT SNOWS IN NEW ENGLAND? You don't. Nobody does except us New Englanders.
    Ok, quick thought experiment: Imagine the most ridiculous amount of snow any non-Alaskan place in the US could get. THAT'S how much snow we get here.

    Winter is never going to be over. I hate ice. Our dog only has three legs, and I suspect it's because one of the kids started taking nibbles on him early.

    1. As much as I've always wanted to move to Maine, I don't think my weak constitution could handle that much snow. Nope, nope, nope. I do however send my condolences to your dog. He's now the cautionary tale I'm threatening our dog with.

  4. Snow is beautiful when you're inside, don't have kids, have hot cocoa, and don't have to be outside until it's melted and the ground dries up. At least that's what this IL native thinks. We moved to GA in 1998 and this is the coldest winter here in the ATL I can remember. Don't even get me started on the SnowJam from last week, or the cancelled school for 3 1/2 days (not that I counted). Love the post, totally loved it! Hope you survive to keep it up!!! :D

    1. Yes to everything in that first sentence. I love that the kids enjoy the snow, but that's really only for about two seconds, because, well, it's freezing. Good luck to you and yours, and may you make it out of winter in one piece, my friend.