Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Oh Caption, My Caption

Morning Readers ,

     It's no secret I love a good caption. Actually, it's become a little bit of a problem. I think I'm at the point where I need to caption pictures, and in some capacity see it as my small duty to mankind.


I'm aware no one asked me to do it and there's a high probably it benefits absolutely no one, but, my boat, it floats it.

But who am I to hog all the captioning territory? I'll tell you who. No one. All right, someone fairly mediocre at putting completely inaccurate dialogue on old pictures, but it doesn't mean I'm greedy. It means I need attention and old TV stills tell me stories no one else sees. So that sounds healthy.

Anywho, today kicks of the very first There's More Where That Came From caption contest. Just throw your best caption as many times as you like in the comments, and I'll announce a new winner every month.

What's in it for you?

Nothing. Kidding. Wait, will you take nothing? I didn't think so because you're like me. OK, every month's winner gets a free paperback copy of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles, and I'll even write out, in ink, the fact your a caption champion, on the inside.

I really wanted to give away a pony or ten thousand dollars every month, but we have a mortgage and the cars are always near death. You know how it is.


1.) Be awesome. But since you're here, I think we can check that off the list.

2.) Comment with as many captions as you like but try to keep it PG. This does not stand for "poached goats."

3.) Captions can be dialogue, commentary, headlines or whatever made you snort when you thought about it.

4.) No ripping on other people's captions. We love each other here. Hug a friend. Don't tear apart their carefully crafted imaginary headline, etc.

Oh my gosh, rules are exaughsting. That was four whole sentences. Ok, get to it. This month's winner announced on March 28th!

With a flourish and some jazz hands,



  1. "Well, Jack, it's funny, the last time I remember seeing my sanity was just before Sally here was born. After that? I've got nothing."

  2. My medical opinion is that we leave your Grandmother's hands fused together - that way she won't be able to make that dreaded jello salad for the church picnic anymore.

  3. "Edgar, your persistent habit of snapping my bra strap is both sophomoric and highly inappropriate in front of my niece."

  4. "Now Ethel, let's go through it again: First you have to change the input on the TV remote, THEN press play on the blu-ray. Oh, nevermind - the grandkids can tee up Frozen themselves. You just be a dear and make some lemonade."

  5. Why, Yes Fred, you're right! I DO seem to recall the cat having hair. Whatever do you think could have happened to it?

  6. Desperate to diffuse the tension between her husband and daughter, Delores tried in vain to remember how "Here is the church, here is the steeple" worked.

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  8. George, when I told you to "Look like a woman!", I didn't think you'd take me literally...

  9. Richard: I know this is hard for you to hear Dolores...but me and Stacy are madly in love. She doesn't complain about my flatulence and difficulty hearing, so we are running away together.
    Dolores: Finally!

  10. "Florence, this here if my dear friend Nancy. I've been spending quality time with her lately, and frankly my dear, you should probably get tested. Nancy here can help explain why.'

  11. Ahhhh I'm too tired to think of anything worthwhile, but these are HILARIOUS and I love the contest!!!! I'll come back when I'm not sleep deprived and drop a little somethin' somethin' on ya. Which is to say I'll see you in 2048 ;)

  12. Madeleine, are you SURE you don't remember where you left the car?