Wednesday, April 9, 2014

It's a Remergency!

"We'd love to stick around, but someone just called in a remergency."

Morning Readers,

I don't usually use exclamation points in my post titles, but as the Split level is still buzzing from recent events, I had to convey the general tizzy of the last day or so.

A remergency. For those of you who don't know, it's like an emergency, but instead of important news carried via adult, it's shouted at you by a three-year-old while you're on the toilet.

"Remergency! Remergency! We have a remergency!"

I mentally slapped myself for going to the bathroom, knowing I had children.

"Remergency!"

"What is it? What's so remergent?"

She grabbed my hand and yanked me off the toilet. "The baby escaped!"

Slamming my jean shorts back on, I bolted down the stairs and looked around frantically. "But the back door's locked. I-"

"The baby's in the front! Remergency!"

Then it dawned on me. Only minutes before, I'd gotten the mail and only locked the glass storm door. My usual locking of the deadbolt had been interrupted by Nature's call and the confidence the baby wasn't smart enough to pull a Kathrine Zita Jones under this particularly flimsy laser. I sprinted outside and stopped briefly to take in the terrifying but slightly amusing sight of Butch dragging his little brother, by the collar, back up the driveway.

He nodded. "I got em'."

"Thank you, honey! You're a very good and brave brother."

After everyone was safe inside, Sundance let the subject drop as well as any three-year-old. "The baby almost died."

"Sweetheart, he's fine."

"You should've locked the door. He almost got hit by a car. And then he'd be gone forever."

"It's ok, hon-"

"Dead."

"Honey-"

"For always."

"Thank you, sweet pea. Don't worry, Mommy's currently dipping into her large soup pot of guilt and ladling it into neat, china bowls of failure."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I think I need a drink from all that rescuin'."

These things happen, but I'm still never quite prepared for how quickly kids catch you off guard. All you can really do is live, learn, and deadbolt your doors. Sundance declared both her and Butch to be "superheros," and I totally agree. The twins keep me on my toes, but it turns out, they're great to have around in a remergency.

Until Next Time, Readers!




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11 comments:

  1. Excellent way to start my day! Love your posts, and how I can imagine it all going down. Thank you for sharing your tales, and better make that drink a double! lol Just make sure they watch the Incredibles so they know "NO CAPES!" that could be the end of the dynamic duo.
    Isn't it amazing how fast little ones can be? Then they turn into preschoolers that take 3 years to get dressed. AMAZING.

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    1. They're just now entering the stage where they've forgotten how to get dressed, but I suppose I can let it slide now that I know I'm living with superheros. But you're right, absolutely no capes, dahhhhling.

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  2. That was wonderful. Terrifying and gut-cramping funny all at the same time. I LOVE our kids ability to tell us the raw, pus-filled, blister-bursting truth. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank you, Kelly! I have to find the humor in something that horrific. Otherwise, I'd spend my days drinking. And I hear it gets even harder to keep your kids from wandering in the streets if you're drunk at noon.

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  3. "Mommy's currently dipping into her large soup pot of guilt and ladling it into neat, china bowls of failure."

    Best. Line. Ever.

    You also make a compelling case for the need of a third child. (Although this uterus is closed for business and I'm taking my chances with two.) Today I stumbled upon Scotty damn near suffocating Kennedy as he hugged her while she was in her walker. I totally consider this a remergency, and had I not caught it...then who would have?

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    1. The guilt. The guilt! But you're right, we soldier on. It's out job to simultaneously feel guilty and run to the next rescue, and the next, and the next. Scotty and Kennedy are in for some great adventures. I can feel it.

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  4. Well, that definitely was a remergency! She was right about that one. Terrifying and hilarious all at the same time--just how I like 'em. And, you're right, all you can do is live and learn.

    P.S., I'm still laughing at: "I mentally slapped myself for going to the bathroom, knowing I had children."

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    1. You'd think I'd learn by now, but I look around, realize I have kids, and I still take the chance of going to the bathroom. I'm mental, that's what.

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