Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Four O'Clock Dinner

"The Early Bird Special deserves a special kind of dress."
Afternoon Readers,

Nothing like kicking off the start of the week here on the blog to give a fresh and hopeful outlook on the next seven days.

Oh, it's Tuesday? And it's already half over?

Sounds about right.

It's been pretty slow going here since the weekend. I got a little ahead of myself and accidentally used up any energy I needed to remember to cook and clean for the family this week. The Friend Retrieval Society met this weekend and things got a little out of control. After all, you don't schedule dinner at four o'clock on a Saturday if you're not out to throw a rager that pushes the boundaries of decency and borders on anidisestablishmenatrianism.

(No, that word has absolutely nothing to do with what we did on Saturday, but I wanted to use it at least once in my writing career.)

Here are the minutes of last week's meeting as they stand:


The meeting was called to order by no one in particular. All members were so disoriented by being out to dinner with no responsibilities, they laughed nervously and tried to figure out why Paige Kellerman was wearing high heels paired with a t-shirt depicting a dog in a bandana.

Approval of Minutes
The minutes from last month's meeting were neither read nor approved due to all members trying to decided whether they wanted a bottle, glass, or beer directed intravenously.


All members were allowed to choose their own entree. This presented a problem, as no one in the group was used to picking a dish they weren't required to share with a child. One woman picked chicken nuggets out of habit and was subsequently slapped.

Quotes of note: "I think I might order food, scream, and throw it on the ground, just to see how it feels."

"Would I like ranch dressing to go with my food? If someone offered you a yacht, would you spit in their face and hit them with a baseball bat? Right. Absolutely, that's a yes. Sorry, that metaphor got away from me."

"It says this feeds a family of four, not a family of six. So, no, I'm not splitting it."

Topics Covered in Conversation:

- kids
- kids not sleeping
- husbands and habits which may shorten their lives
- taking kids to the doctor
- are we still talking about the kids?
- yes
- ok, good because you'll never believed where I almost mailed mine the other day


All members of the meeting were allowed to go to the bathroom alone.


The check was split five ways. Paige Kellerman left her credit card there because she's an idiot.

Guest of Honor:

The attendee who brought cookies she'd baked and wrapped in individual bags was given a place of high status. She also won points for hilarity when she stated we could, "share them with the kids."

You know who you are, and the innocence in that statement was adorable.


Meeting was adjourned when it was determined that all husbands had probably finished bedtime detail. None of the members were eager to drive home, but decided stumbling home at 5am the next day would be frowned upon. Conclusion was at 7:30pm.

April's meeting is tbd.

Until Next Time, Readers!