Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Top Ten Reasons To be Four Years Old

"I love em'. They said my hair looks like a stunned otter, but I love em'."

Morning Readers,

The climate around the Split level has been pretty busy lately. I keep fixing and painting to get the house ready to sell, and the children march dutifully behind me, taking things apart and putting hand prints in the wet paint. Hand over my heart, if we ever get this banana stand prepped for the great playing field that is the real estate market, no one will be more shocked than I.

Where's Ty Pennington when you actually need his charisma, mitering skills, and enthusiasm for perfectly touched-up highlights?

But even in the midst of the chaos that is spackling while listening to children throw glass tumblers down the stairs to see if they'll break, sparks of joy have been caught here and there.

The twins will be four next month, and along with being a little more calm and something close to rational, I've noticed there are some definite perks to being as old as and average college degree.

The Ten Best Things About Being Four Years Old

1. You can wear a tutu everywhere and every grandma within a ten mile radius will tell you how fancy you are.

(As an adult, I can only dream of wearing a tutu in the public sphere. Mainly because people would think I was drunk. And the chances are pretty good I would be.)

2. You can wear your Spider Man shoes on the wrong feet and no one says anything.

3. You can ask, within earshot, why people are fat, thin, hairy, short, have red hair, have brown hair, have no hair, or why they're buying so much cereal, and people generally look the other way.

4. You can poke people in the butt with a pirate sword and not risk a sexual harassment suit.

5. Your underwear's on backwards, and you know what? It's gonna be a great day because you put them on that way on purpose. 

6. The woman in charge is practically making it rain fruit snacks to stem the tide of your relentless question asking. Hmm, time to ask 'why' again.

7. As far as you're concerned, dandelions are flowers. You parent's backyard is full of these beauties, and why they don't pick them and put them in a decent vase is beyond you. Fine, you'll make a vase yourself. Now, where did that coffee can go?

8. Life will not get any better than pulling all the tape out of the tape measure and watching it snap back, narrowly missing cutting a hand off.

9. An entire bag of Skittles to yourself? No one said you were going to win the lottery today.

10. You can spill, break, run over, shatter, fall off of, kick, shout at, whack with a stick, fall over, and dunk everything in water you come across in a twenty-four hour time frame, and the woman in charge still loves you.

....Well, she yells, but she loves you.

Until Next Time, Readers!