Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Vertigo Veroncia

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. Did you say you like my feather boa or you're from Manitoba?"

Morning Readers,

I'd like to start today by congratulating Katie Herzing on winning the Penny Jules giveaway! Congrats to a fantastic Reader, and please know I'm super jealous of all the ridiculously cute stuff you get to pick from.

You know what's not cute?

Sandals with socks, yes, absolutely. I'll take that as an answer, but I was really hinting more at the partial deafness I'm dealing with right now. Due to some sort of inner ear nonsense, I've developed the fascinating habit of falling sideways for no reason, coupled with the ever-present sensation I'm about to fall sideways for no reason.

Nothing sexier than a twenty-nine-year-old woman with vertigo. (Nope, not even your pet ferret in the hand-knit sweater you gave him for Christmas.)

Naturally, my hypochondria has shifted into overdrive, leaving me in a limbo where I either have extreme sinus issues mostly likely be cleared up with modern medicine or I'm dying. 

In times of crisis such as these, I try not to panic. Instead, I spend copious amounts of time researching what's wrong with me and making expensive appointments to see the doctor.

"What seems to be the problem, Mrs. Kellerman?"

"Hi, Doctor. I've talked about it with WebMD, and we think it's a tumor."

*Insert sounds of typing and disregard*

"Well, you don't have any fluid in your ear, so I'll tell you what's going on."

"You seem really sure of yourself."

"It's probably allergies."

"I've never had allergies in my life. Let's get back to my tumor."

"What tumor?"

"The one mostly likely located behind my ear, somewhere within the vicinity of the the Eustachian tube."

The room went silent as she began typing out a prescription to the local pharmacy and I stared into space, wondering how this woman could possibly pit her decades of medical experience against my paranoia.

"I'm giving you a steroid."

I shook my head. "No thank you. I'm actually pretty happy with how my upper body looks."

"This should reduce the swelling in your ear and get you back to normal."

Doubtful, I nodded and slunk down off my wax paper pulpit. "Ok, but my money's on the tumor or impacted sinuses."

"Take care and let us know if you're not feeling any better after a week."

"Sounds good, but can we work something out where I don't have to pay another copay if you're terribly, terribly wrong here?"

It's been a week, all the steroids are gone, and I neither have a clear ear or better biceps. And, seeing as I have no skill with exploratory surgery or making my own medication, I've gladly accepted a Neti Pot and well wishes from my family. I'm not sure if it has any chance of working, but Vertigo Veronica has to get on a plane in a few weeks and has no desire to spend the entire trip asking who killed the engine and why the plane is flying sideways.

Then again, I could spend the entire flight reading WebMD as a dsitraction.

Until Next Time, Readers!


  1. My husband had the same problem as you do and he was diagnosed as having BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo). It can be treated.

    1. Oh my goodness, I hope he's ok and it cleared up quick. Th dizziness is not fun, for sure.

  2. My husband had the same problem as you do and he was diagnosed as having BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo). It can be treated.

  3. Thanks for the shout out! Super excited to be the new owner of some super cute earrings from Penny Jules! My netipot is my best friend - well, maybe taking it a bit far - BUT it works miracles!

    1. I actually tried it for the first time the other day. That story's coming soon...lol. So glad you won the giveaway!

  4. My husband had what regular folk call crystals in your ear, also known as BPPV. He went to an ear nose throat doctor who strapped him in a chair and spun him around in the chair very fast every which way - upside down, too, which gave him major vertigo while it was happening. The nice doctor assured him he wouldn't let him fall down. All the twirling and positioning is a way to make the crystals settle. Then the hubby had to sleep sitting propped up for a week, and has never had another vertigo issue. New topic: oh, and the neti pot actually GAVE me eustachian tube issues! The ear nose throat doc called it ETD - eustachian tube dysfunction.

    1. I've done a massive amount of reading about ETD this week and I'm 99% sure that's what's going on. I think my equilibrium is just shot. Not gonna lie though, being spun around like that sounds kind of interesting. I wonder if I can talk the doctor into it. So glad your husband's doing ok. I'll never take healthy ears and sinuses for granted again.

  5. Awww, Paige! Damn. I hope you feel better soon. Does this happen only when you're standing? Or do you feel like you're falling/leaning if you're sitting down, too?

    The neti pot, might work? I used to use mine religiously during allergy season, which is, like, all year round for me...

    Have you heard of putting drops of liquid silver in your ear? Look it up...Don't know if it would work or not. Liquid silver also helps to fend off colds in the early stages.

    1. It would happen while I was standing. I think my ear was so clogged, I just lost my balance a lot. I've never heard of liquid silver, but I'm putting it in my backlog of things to try. Ugh, you think watching kids all day is exhausting, and then you get sick and realize it can be so much harder. Hand me the Neti Pot!

  6. Go to YouTube and look up the Epley Maneuver for vertigo. If that doesn't work, I'll make sure to talk really loudly and clearly when I meet you at BlogU. GOOD LUCK!! And hold on to all railings.

    1. Hahaha...I'm making you walk right next to me so I have someone to catch me when I go into some sort of spin/dive move at BlogU...LOL

  7. Dying! This was me a couple months ago. One of the most dramatic NDEs I've had. Also, congrats on the biceps!

    1. My upper body is just stunning now...hahahaha

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