Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Just One More Thing

"Well, you see, mam. You're window is gonna fall out and kill someone."

Morning Readers,

I know you guys are used to tuning in here so you can hear stories of my perfectly organized life, but listen to this curve ball, gang.

Hold on, I'm trying to keep a straight face.

Quiet. I need to concentrate. Being sanctimonious is a learned art.

All right, back to our regular programming. Things are chaos as usual. This is my fault because I'm leaving town on Friday and the kids will still be needing to eat, wear clothes, and ask for eight hundred drinks of milk while I'm gone. Husband will be taking over my shift.

Godspeed and good luck, my friend. Your bravery reminds me of the stoic Sparten. Come back on your shield and all that...

Besides this weekend's upcoming odyssey, improvements to the Split level are ongoing. It's a tale as old as time.

Couple buys a house.
House sinks into the ground.
Couple decides to sell the house.
House has five billion things wrong with it that need to be fixed before anyone raises an eyebrow in in its direction.
Couple wonders if they sniff enough spackle, the problems will all go away.*

*Spackle experiment in progress. All data and findings will be posted at a later date.

The thing we're realizing about getting a house ready for sale is, even when you think you've made a complete laundry list of everything falling apart, you're wrong.

Scenario 1.

"Ok, so I cleaned the bathroom and threw out that old bathmat. Thing smelled like cheese and a Nicklback album."

"Sounds good. We just have to replace the window, gut the interior, and put a seat on the toilet, and we're done."

Scenario 2.

"Oh man, the kitchen was a doozy. Glad we only had to clean under the refrigerator once since we moved in."

"Awesome. That means we just have to buy new appliances and replace the counter tops, and we're all ship shape. Hey, did you remember to win the lottery last week?"

"Darn, I forgot."

"It's ok, I'll do it."

Scenario 3.

"Ok, we'll have the carpets cleaned and call it a day."

"Did you tell them about the stain in the hallway?"

"Which one?"

"The one that looks like the Mona Lisa hugging a beach ball. Covers like half the upstairs."

"I'll call back."

Scenario 4.

"Did you see the hole in the living room wall?"

"No, but did you see the hole in hallway?"

"No, but did you see the hole in the basement wall?"

"No, but did you see the one in the door?"

"No, but I noticed the chunk missing from the corner of the other wall."

"That's interesting because, while I was looking at the hole in the kitchen, I noticed a crack above the doorway."

"I'll get the spackle."

So, as you can see, this is a project that should take the lion's share of the summer, but I'm determined not to think about it for the weekend. As long as husband has enough supplies and the kids are good, it should be smooth sailing. I'll count any more missing pieces of wall when I get back.

Until Next Time, Readers!