Tuesday, June 10, 2014

While the Editor's Away, the Spam Will Play

Let me get my big, monkey arms around ya.
Afternoon Readers,

Again, I start the week on a Tuesday. This really has to stop because I keep wanting to put out the trash on Saturday, and we're running out of places to store all our empty frozen pizza boxes.

No matter, the weekend at Blog U was a success and one of the most fun three days I've ever spent in my entire life. I'm not saying you should start saving up to go next year, but that's actually exactly what I'm saying, so go talk to your bank about a special, secret account you can start now.

(Possibly a savings, but I know nothing about what yields the best interest, and the proof I'm not financially savvy was sealed when I bought three stocks from a Swedish company based in Iowa.)

My travels took me all the way to Baltimore, and besides gaining a ton of knowledge, not having to get out of bed to take kids to the bathroom, and eating meals no one stuck their hands in -that I know about,but it's cool- I realized three more important facts:

1.) The good people at Crabs and More Since 1944 are trying to get you drunk.
2.) Airport bathrooms vary wildly in levels of hygiene.
3.) You will not sleep if you share a room with Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures. She will make you laugh until 3am, be unable to fall asleep, and creep her eyes above the covers the next day and whisper, "I watched the sun come up," like the kid from The Sixth Sense.

But just because I was out of town, doesn't mean there wasn't work waiting for me when I got back. Because this blog is wildly popular in countries you've never heard of, there was loads of spam to reply to. Best get it out of the way. Professionalism and all that.

Anonymous #1 writes,

"I found this submit being terribly educational. Thank you for broadening my expertise in this matter. No doubt their a good bit of composing likewise."

Thank you so much for writing! When I set out to educate anyone, I always make sure it's terrible. Also...
Anonymous #2 writes,

"An attention-grabbing submit. I suppose your reviews are expressive and also founded. Think nearly everybody agreed within this thread."

Dear Anonymous,

It's pointless to write anything at all, unless you know everyone will agree with it. Thank you for noticing and please enjoy your extremely difficult writing career.

Anonymous #3 writes,

"Hello my family member! I wish to say that this post is awesome, great written and include approximately all significant infos. I would like to see more posts like this."

If this is the same Anonymous from my cousin's wedding, let me apologize again. I usually knock before kicking open a bathroom stall. (Also, don't wish to tell me I'm awesome, just go for it.)

Anonymous #4 writes,

"I am greatly weighed down by your opinions for that specific tale. A additional deeper and staged expertise could well be very fine for me."

I'm sorry to hear it. I was recently called "terribly educational," so I'm not sure where the disconnect is.

Anonymous #5 writes,

"I am extremely impressed using this blog. It is straightforward to discover that you will be enthusiastic of your composing."

Dear Anonymous,

I'm always extremely enthusiastic of my own composing. Watch this. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, everyone, I have to go stop the baby from pouring orange juice in the Chex Mix bag.

Until Next Time, Readers! 



  1. Damn spammers. The s$%t is getting worse on my blog, and I've been woefully unsuccessful in stopping it. I'd love nothing more than to give them a big, fat, knuckle sandwich.

    Not that I condone violence. I don't...unless it is against spammers.

    Glad you had a great time at BlogU! Which reminds me: I have to look up those snazzy Chucks you said you were wearing on the plane...

    1. Normally, it's fairly ok, but the minute I turn my back, it gets crazy around here. Had a list as long as my arm. Takes forever to answer those people back as sarcastically as possible.

      I so wish you could've been there! And now that I know what a blast it is, you HAVE to go in 2015.

  2. I told myself I wasn't going to read the recaps because I am INSANELY JEALOUS, but I couldn't resist clicking over. So glad it all went well (while secretly seething that I wasn't there, but whatever.) The picture above of you is worth the price of admission ;)

    1. That's why I making you go next year. I don't care if I have to drive to your house and dragging you to the airport. You. are. going. The awesomeness you would add to the whole experience should not be missed.

  3. Stop it, I'm starting to get jealous that you've started conversing with others since we spent the weekend sleeping together (or not sleeping, as the case may be), which sounded dirty but wasn't, unless you count how dirty we were after doing the electric slide all night on Saturday and then walking back to the room barefoot. Oh wait, that part was just me. In closing, I found you utmost educational and think we all agree can that you are big fun.

    1. Could you be a better roommate? Um, no. I honestly don't think I've laughed that long in my entire life. Is it too soon to lock you into a contract that states you have to room with me next year?
      Too soon?
      I'll talk to you after you've had therapy to get over spending that much time with me.
      You are also big fun.

  4. So I tried to be witty and pretend to post a spam comment and I think it may have actually gone to your spam comments. So much for being witty.

    Anyway what an amazing and fun weekend. Can't wait for BlogU15! Meeting you after reading you for so long was definitely one of the high points!

    1. It was so awesome to meet you in person!! You are seriously the sweetest and I can't wait to have more time and sit down and chat. Permission to stalk you next year? It's a deal.

  5. Only you can make reading spam enjoyable. How wonderful was it to meet you?! That's a hypothetical question; no need to answer in letter form. Unless you want to. In that case, AWESOME.

    :) :) :)

    1. Um, you're pretty much lucky I didn't put you in my purse and carry you home. If you lived here, I'd make you my best friend and be at your house every day, so thank your lucky stars we can't afford to move out of state right now.

  6. Wow I offended by your composition one of those called "Spam" comments were from me??? I will not ever make the mistake of discerning posts at your site again. You are no more a family member.

    1. I wish to tell you how educated I was by getting esteemed chance of having the estimation of your company. I found you to be humor and good company. -sincere, your former family member.

  7. Haha. There should be a word for recycled spam. On the other hand, I think I can guess what that is, so moving on. Is it sad that I enjoy my spam? They're just so hilarious. My most recent fave was "the necrotic tissue will eventually slough off." Oh dear. Also the ones that end in "check out my site: porn." Just "porn"? Like, all of it? In any case, most enjoying the content you offer much with background and delight.

  8. وادي الذئاب لمكافحة الحشرات ورش المبيدات بالدمام والمنطقة الشرقية تقدم افضل خدمات مكافحة الحشرات ورش المبيدات بالدمام والخبر والجبيل والاحساء والقطيف والتي تقدمه من خلال اقوي المبيدات وافضل العمالة الماهرة وذات الخبرة العالية بمجال مكافحة الحشرات ورش المبيدات
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخبر
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالاحساء
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالقطيف


  9. شركة الصفا والمروه للخدمات المنزلية بالمنطقة الشرقية بالمملكة العربية السعودية تقدم افضل خدمات الدعم المنزلي من خلال افضل الامكانيات الحديثة والعمالة الماهرة ذات الخبرة العالية بمجال الخدمات المنزلية كما ان شركة الصفا والمروه تقدم خدماتها بارخض الاسعار فلديها افضل طاقم عمل مدرب واحدث الوسائل والطرق المستخدمة في اتمام خدماتها علي اكمل وجة بالاضافة الي الخبرة العالية منذ عشرات السنوات
    شركة الصفا والمروه لخدمات التنظيف
    شركة تنظيف بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف منازل بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف خزانات بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف مجالس بالدمام
    شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
    شركة رش مبيدات بالدمام
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف شقق بالدمام
    شركة تنظيف فلل بالدمام
    شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
    شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالدمام

    خدمات شركة الصفا والمروه بمدينة القطيف
    شركة تنظيف بالقطيف
    شركة تنظيف خزانات بالقطيف
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالقطيف
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالقطيف
    شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالقطيف
    شركة نقل عفش بالقطيف

  10. شركة الصفا والمروه بمدينة الجبر
    شركة تنظيف بالخبر
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالخبر
    شركة تنظيف خزانات بالخبر
    شركة نقل اثاث بالخبر
    شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالخبر
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالخبر
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالخبر

    خدمات شركة الصفا والمروه بمدينةالجبيل
    شركة تنظيف منازل بالجبيل
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالجبيل
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالجبيل
    شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالجبيل

    خدمات شركة الصفا والمروه بمدينة الاحساء
    شركة تنظيف بالاحساء
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالاحساء
    شركة كشف تسربات المياة بالاحساء
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالاحساء

    تقدم ايضا شركة الصفا والمروه خدمة تسليك المجاري بالاستعاة بكافة الامكانيات الحديثة والقدرة العالية علي اعطاء افضل الخدمات
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالرياض
    شركة تسليك مجاري بجدة
    شركة تسليك مجاري بتبوك
    شركة تسليك مجاري ببقيق
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالطائف
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالباحة
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالخفجي
    شركة تسليك مجاري بعنك-سيهات
    شركة تسليك مجاري بالنعيرية
    شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالخبر