Monday, August 4, 2014

What Happens When You Get Too Busy

"Why cut your own hair, when you can have your kids do it?"

Afternoon Readers,

The great thing about kids is, when things as large as moving are going on, they can stay completely oblivious and carry on with their various plans to take apart the home you're trying to sell.

Other things also not interupted:

Fighting
Philosophical and Theological Questions (see also: death, dying, the soul, and why butterflies are beautiful)
Mess Making
Swinging glass tumblers around in order to up my chances of death by heart attack and not a sedentary lifestyle
Dropping random labels of things into the milk jug
Unpacking boxes that are taped shut for a reason
Casually plopping hands on to just-painted surfaces

But, just because it's going to take eighty us eighty years and a day to get out of here, doesn't mean the children aren't doing strange but slightly interesting things as well. A few days ago, I had a quick conversation with Sundance...

"Mom, do you know where Lee went?

I stopped and considered whether we'd had a fourth child while I wasn't looking. Things are so busy right now, it was a possibility. I shook my head. "Who's Lee?"

"Lee. Lee Mart?"

I shook my head again. "Is that a store I've never heard of?"

Looking me over like she felt sorry for me and my simple mind, Sundance threw out her hands in frustration. "No, we named the baby Lee Mart."

I pointed to the stairs and Sundance went off in search of our two-year-old, who, apparently, now went by an alias. The situation begged for further investigation, so as soon as I ran into the subject in question, I put him to the test.

"Are you Lee Mart?"
"I'm Lee Mart."
"Huh."
"I'm Lee Mart."
"And you're ok with being Lee Mart now?"
"I'm Lee Mart."
"Well, thank you for your time. Here, take a ginger snap.
"I'm Lee Mart."

Still not totally sure why the baby had been given a name that sounded like he should be Magnum PI's grounds keeper, I went back to my business of wrapping wine glasses and wondering where to move our motley crew. After just enough time to think about whether to seal a decanter in bubbles or leave it as a planter for the next owner, the older two strolled downstairs.

"Mom, I think I'm going to shave his head."
"Umm, you don't have the capabilities to do that.
*Laughing hysterically* "Yes, I do."
"You're not shaving your twin brother's head. Don't even joke like that. Here, take a ginger snap and keep movin'.

Finally, another boxed was packed and I'd only had to throw away the blender, a cracked platter, and my hope for nice things to get it done. It was at that point, Butch wandered back through the kitchen, missing some of his hair.

"Have you always been bald there?"
"What?"
"You're missing a whole strip of hair."
"I'm not."
"Sorry, it's False Accusation Monday and you're our winner. Except, I'm not blind. Get your sister."

After a back and forth, it was determined that no one shaved anyone's head with their father's beard trimmer, and that I was imagining said bald spot. The other interesting thing about children is their ability to deny something so adamantly,they make you doubt what you're seeing with your own eyes.

So, the good news is things are kind of making it into boxes.

The bad news is, things are so busy, the kids are giving each other their own haircuts and re-naming each other.

But, at the end of the day, Lee Mart thought the whole thing was hilarious. Which means he'll be bald by the time we get our new mortgage.


Until Next Time, Readers!

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7 comments:

  1. More reasons to be glad I'm not you!!

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  2. Advise the children that only the Kellerman residents are moving. That way if you forget one behind you have done due diligence on the warning. I mean, especially if they've changed their name and hairstyle. Seriously! "I didn't know you were my child, you look nothing like him." Perhaps suggestively lay some sticky moustaches around too, those things are available everywhere it seems.

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  3. You said you were busy, but HOLY beard trimmers! Hilarious material, but hugs to you.

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  4. I loved ALL of this! Great way to start my day, as always!

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  5. I think I'm getting a lockbox for the clippers. Today.

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  6. Too funny. Scissors and cutting hair was always so fascinating to me when I was little.. I got in so much trouble just cutting my Barbie's hair!

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    1. I wanted to get really mad, but then I remembered that I did the same thing when I was four and cut a HUGE chunk out of my hair. The circle of life. Still hiding the clippers though.

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