Thursday, September 25, 2014

Crossing the Finish Line

"If you buy our house, it comes with a really fun hat."

Afternoon Readers,

I'm not sure if you've ever read the Shirley Jackson story, The Haunting of Hill House, but, in short, it's about a woman who basically has a nervous breakdown because a house falls in love with her, traps her forever, and convinces her what she'd really like to spend her time doing is wondering up and down the halls, in her nightgown, twirling like an idiot.

So that's basically how things are going around here.

(Ok, she also ends up dying, but it hasn't gotten to that point. Yet.)

Times I've gotten dressed in the last eight weeks: 2
Times I've gone out and done anything fun with adults: 0
Times I've stayed up wondering if we'll sell the house: 523
Times I've touched up paint, scrubbed floors, staged furniture, had carpets cleaned, scrubbed sinks, hung furniture, cried myself to sleep, and cut down a very small tree: 7358

Yes, most of the time a nervous breakdown sneaks up on a person, but I feel lucky because I can fully prepare for the one barreling down the tracks of my sanity. Should give me time to rend my garments in a manor I'm accustomed to.

If you've never sold a house, don't. If you're looking for a an exciting change of pace, try base jumping.

Coming in at just under a year, the Kellermans are finally ready to put the Split level on the market. Things are done. Pictures are being taken on Sunday. I might drink until I don't remember who anyone is, out of pure elation.  And don't you worry, as soon as we find a buyer, I think a visual tour for you guys is the least I can do for listening to me complain for a full 365 days. (I wanted to buy you each a pair of designer boots, but, budgetary concerns.)

And now, we wait.

Who will be brave enough to buy all the history we've made here?
Who will be ok we used the back deck for a bohemian art studio?
Who will look at the sink in the bathroom and think, "Hmm, seashell-shaped. I've always wanted one of those."?

Oh, brave soul, who art thee?

And, whoever you are, please come with pre-approved financing. If we have to back out of a deal last minute, I may just turn the deck back into a studio, change my name to River, and crochet socks for gerbils until I go completely insane. 

So, the moral of the story here is good things hopefully come to those who've used approximately
twenty-five paint brushes and most of their presence of mind. I just have keep the house clean every hour of the day from here on out. Simple enough. Read more accurately as: Not simple at all.

And while we're on the subject, have any of you considered moving to Kansas? It's lovely and only has one crazy lady wondering around in a nightgown ....that I know of.


Until Next Time, Readers!


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