Wednesday, November 12, 2014

How We Set the Mood

"Those giant sleeves just send me, June. Take this pretzel as a sign of my love."

Morning Readers,

It's been a long time since I let a week go by without checking in here. When I have to take a leave of absence from the blog, it usually means one of two things:

A.) I found a jar of Nutella and had to clear my calendar.
B.) Big things are happening.

*A possible "C" would be my entire family going on vacation without me. Thereby clearing the way for seven consecutive days of sleep. But, it's best not to speak in fairy tales. It raises the heart rate unnecessarily.

For those of you who don't speak in veiled references ninety-nine percent of the time, what I'm getting at are some exciting things happening at the Split level. First off, we may have an offer. May. As in, please-let-us-be-able-to-sell-this-house-and-move-before-the-iron-fist-of-winter-descends-upon-us-all-in-Jesus-name-amen.

All this girl wants is some new digs for Christmas ...and some egg nog. Because no matter how stressful the situation, I'm straight up festive.

The second thing that's had my attention is big. I mean bigger than my pants in the 90s big. I can't say a whole lot about it, but I'm beyond excited to tell you guys all the minute details of a project so awesome, it almost makes me feel like jogging up and down the block.

Almost.

I've been sworn to secrecy, but, in the next two weeks or so, let's just say the holiday shopping season is going to be the bee's knees.

Now then, you may not believe it, but even with all the craziness going on around our humble abode, Husband and I have managed to carve out a little time alone. After we received the good house news, I was the first to kick off celebration time with a more expensive brand of hot dog, drop the kids into some pajamas, and, when all was quiet, breathe a sigh of relief next to my beloved on the couch.

"This really might happen."

Husband smiled and grabbed the iPad, previously broken in the great child fist fight of 2014 and now resurrected miraculously. "I know. It's awesome. What kind of music do you want to listen to?"

I shook my head. "I really don't care. The quiet is a sweet music in itself. Although, I've heard it's always a good time for Ace of Base. You know what we really need?"

"What?"

"A romantic playlist. Don't people do that? I hear they do. One time, on the Discovery Chanel, I saw a study on how when your average male plays something, anything really, by Maroon 5, his chances improve by a full two percent. Fascinating stuff."

Husband nodded and started scrolling through lists of music. "I have just the thing."

Tapping my toes on the laminate in anticipation, I couldn't help thinking tonight would be the night we'd get to first base without the kids waking up.

"Got it." He tapped on the screen. "Should set the mood I think."

I craned my neck. "That's the World of Warcraft soundtrack."

"Yeah, it's great. I'm telling you. I listened to it while I was mowing the yard and the orchestral arrangements are amazing."

"But it's a computer game. An online sensation, but still." My eyes scanned the list. "Taverns, elves, this is something about a forest. I guess that's ok, but I really don't think "forest" works as a decent euphemism anywhere when you're making a romantic playlist."

"Just give it a listen and tell me what you think."

*Fifteen minutes later*

"That's actually really good. Seriously, it transports you to a simpler yet enchanting place. The arrangements are truly on point."

"Right?"

"Totally. I'm gonna make some tea. I really wish we hadn't put the chess board in storage."


That's right. Husband and my actual age is the ripe old figure of eighty.

What's that? More advice on romance?

Line forms to the left, everyone.


Until Next Time, Readers!

***
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6 comments:

  1. OMG, that's wonderful--break a leg!! On second thought, I should never use that phrase with you--good luck!!

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  2. OK, can't let the Ace of Base reference go. I am one of the 12 people who still own their album "The Sign" and know more than two songs on it. I'm not proud (okay, maybe a little proud that I know all the words to "Don't Turn Around". No one else seems to appreciate this talent.)

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  3. Paige, you are too much. That June "sends" him and that "it's best not to speak in fairy tales" and...basically this entire post. Love that you are still the funniest Pam I know, even when big things are happening. Go get 'em, love!

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  4. That is funny. I can understand wishing for the quiet, and hey, at least it wasn't more kid's soundtracks.

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  5. I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

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    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

    www.boycottamericanwomen.com

    ReplyDelete