Monday, December 8, 2014

Saying Goodbye To The Split Level

Farewell, old girl.You bent us, but you didn't break us. In fact, you were all right.

Morning Readers,


I was all excited to tell you guys that's where I've been, but then I found out that, to go on sabbatical, you have to be a college teacher who needs a break every seven years, so that wasn't even remotely correctly correct.

*High fives the internet*

So it's been more like a hiatus. But you know what? The Kellermans are coming to a neighborhood near you. Or near someone. Possibly one of you guys. Apologies in advance. That's right, we found a house.

House hunting, as it turns out, is a time-consuming business, full of  weirdly laminated surfaces and questionable flooring choices. Sometimes loose dogs. But it's also full of new possibilities and trying to envision yourself sleeping in another bedroom someone else has been sleeping in for the last twenty-nine years. Ok, that part's also awkward. The silver lining is, of course, finding a few of the token things you're looking for in a space, and delighting in finally having your own closet. And a wet bar in the living room.

Readers, the adventures in this new house are going to be amazing. And retro. And does anyone know the quickest way to take down flowered wall paper?

No matter. The new house, you're gonna love it. But seriously, any ideas on re-purposing a wet bar into something functional, like not a wet bar are welcome. More on that later.

In the meantime, let's take a moment to say goodbye to the Split level.

Four years of blog documentation.
Six years of living
387 renovations
One woman who miraculously still has her sanity sort of

(Please note: All pictures were staged so we could hide the fact this house was a big box full of crazy people 24/7, and sell it before the next ice age.)

Not pictured: Person hanging artwork we don't own, precisely one ton of toys, and cat usually hanging off the window like a limp mink throw. When not blogging, I was painting that trim for eight hundred years. 

Where you guys and I hang out. Not pictured: Table as big as small airplane hanger we removed to make people think they could walk to the back door without having to do hurdles. It worked. (It's sweet you thought I blogged from an office of sorts, but I did watch squirrels regularly from here, so basically the same thing.)    
Proof that I have two children. Or that I keep small beds in my house. Not pictured: Children who've turned this space into a genuine reproduction of the storming of the beaches of Normandy
Proof I have a third child. Or an affinity for felt baskets. Not pictured: Baby who thinks he's a Ninja Turtle kicking me in the face. Also, two tons of toys. Fun Fact: Closet has curtains do to the fact shifting homes don't always let you put the doors back on. Financial devastation, turn it into a fun floral activity!
All I'm going to say is there isn't a whole lot gallons and gallons of white pint can't cure. Oh, and yes, that is a picture of a bathtub next to my bathtub. Interior decorating is one of those hobbies no one hires me for because it would be terrifying.
Not pictured: HUGE pile of laundry living next to the vent. Fancy retro makeup table I never used for makeup and more for leaving shreds of my dreams and puddles of shampoo on. 
We did a lot of living in this room. See what I did there? Not pictured: Herds of children fighting more than the cast of Gladiator. Three tons of toys. Me yelling.
Did I never tell you about the weird toilet in the basement? Pictured: Me not using this bathroom ever.
Backyard where we killed two snakes. By, backyard where we killed two snakes. Not pictured: Me running away in horror.
Deck where we did all our entertaining. Obviously. Take a load off. Margarita? Beer? Paint by numbers?
See ya later, Split level. A house well blogged.
Not pictured:

Replaced foundation
New sewer line
New plumbing
New electrical
New outlets
New light fixtures
One cat hanging on the outside of the window

This week is moving week. Can we get everything across town? Will I set up the utilities the same day we move in? Again, still taking wet bar ideas.

I don't know.

What I do know, is you better pack your things and come with. Because it's gonna be great.

Until Next Times, Readers!

Like what you read here? Buy the book!
And now that I've awkwardly made you my friend, come hang out with me on:


  1. Congrats on the new house!

    When my oldest is taking his usual 20 minute shower before I get a chance to use the bathroom I've eyeballed a pail so I would totally use that throne toilet.

  2. Congrats on selling the old and buying the new! Hmmm, wet about a GREAT place to hide all kinds of crap when people come over??

  3. We found a sledge hammer very handy in dealing with an unwanted wet bar. Congrats on the move!

  4. This is from one of my posts--hope it helps!!
    Speaking of decorating, or redecorating, for those of you who want to change wallpaper, here’s something you might try. (Strangely enough, I don’t believe Martha Stewart has ever suggested this.) A friend of ours—NOT Bud—we’ll call him “Daddy”—had been to a party the night before & was quite hung over. Early in the morning, he was awakened by his very young son calling “Daddy!” He yelled at his son to go back to sleep. Again, “Daddy!” Again, “Go back to sleep!” Over & over, until the boy stopped. His son’s problem was that he had to go potty, specifically, to pee. A lot. Since his father was no help, he had to solve his problem himself. So he did. He lowered his pajama bottoms & diaper & peed on the wall. Then, to his amazement, he discovered that his urine had loosened the wallpaper. All he had to do to peel it off was to scrape it with his fingernail. So he did. When “Daddy” was finally able to get up he went into his son’s room & found a section of wallpaper-less wall about 3 feet square. As I said, you could try this, but you’d probably have to get your husband to reach the higher places.

  5. I can't wait to meet your new house! (Also, I love fishducky.)

  6. Two things: 1) under the mirror in your old living room - what is that? Are those doors that open to shelves? 2) What's up with that toilet? Is there not a door on that? The step-up is quite vogue - it really IS a throne.

  7. I stored diapers and wipes in our wet bar. Just a thought.

    My cousin's house had a toilet that you stepped up to. Ahh, memories.

  8. Oh, and congrats on the house and selling the split level. I'm totally jelly.

  9. How are the fancy new digs?? And the wet bar? Totally set up and ready to host an out-of-town blogging friend who adores you? ;)

  10. Well done! Set up a training potty alongside the wet bar and you've got yourself another 1/2 bath.