Wednesday, January 21, 2015

You Aren't Fit To Cat Parent: Part II

"Maybe you should just put me in cat jail. I need a vacation like yesterday."

Afternoon Readers,

If you haven't guessed already, I'm the worst at cliffhangers. Mostly because my "to be continued" turns into a "Did I ever tell the rest of that? Because it seems like maybe I got mesmerized by looking at hair products on Pinterest and forgot."

But seriously, if you guys have a mild obsession with hair products, yet only do your hair once  a month like I do, please follow me over here and we'll waste time together. Seriously, I discovered the magic that is hair chalk, this weekend, and I'm in love. In love, I tell you. If I started a blog just dedicated to hair, how much would you hate me? Probably a lot.

Moving on.

So there I was, unsuspecting, shoving pizza in my mouth like there was no tomorrow or five minutes from then, when the call came in.

"Mrs. Kellerman?"


"This is Officer Jones. We need to talk about your cat, Felix."

Sweet Mother Theresa in a sari, what now. "His name is actually Salvador Perez. We just, um, haven't changed it on his microchip because we're super, umm, what's the word I'm looking for? Lazy."

"Here's the thing, Mrs. Kellerman. I don't want to have to ticket you, but if you don't officially register him with the city, I'll have to send out a citation."

I choked on some stray cheese. "What? Why?"

"We're really glad you went and picked him up, but the fact remains, all pets in our city have to be registered, have their fee paid for, and be current on shots. Otherwise, you and your husband get a ticket. And I see you haven't done that yet."

"I see. Well, if I ever find myself on the outs with the law, I'd like it to be something like cool like protesting pudding cups that aren't BPA free. So, I'll take care of the cat business before my record's marred with lameness."

Annoying but simple enough.

Register cat online.
Pay fee of twelve dollars
Submit current proof of rabies


After staring at the computer for awhile, I marched back in to see Husband. "Did you get the cat a rabies shot?"

He shook his head. "No, did you?"

"There was a great diy tutorial I found, using a plastic spoon and a magic eraser, but I passed. No, I haven't."

Husband looked sheepish. "So maybe you could find a vet and get him updated?"

I sighed and looked over at the cat sleeping in the armchair. "You know, at the rate we're becoming involved, I might as well take over his French lessons and yoga instruction too."

When a ticket's in question, I usually don't waste any time getting it taken care of, so with great swiftness, a new vet was Googled, and three days later found us strolling through the door of our new neighborhood clinic. The staff was overjoyed at our arrival.

"Oh my gosh, why is your cat not in a kennel?!"

The three kids milled in between and around my legs while I clung desperately to the cat. "Right, so I tried to get him in his kennel, but after twenty-five minutes, it was either be late or come in here and horrify you."

She raised an eyebrow. "That's a little inconvenient, but we'll get you into a room right away."

"I'll tell you what's inconvenient. Driving all the way here with a cat who figured out how to work the automatic windows."

The rest of the visit was a blur of kids, meeting the extremely nice vet, and the cat getting scared and wrapping himself around my head. After miraculously managing to get Salvador into his kennel, our entourage made its way back to the front desk. I smiled, relieved to see the light at the end of the tunnel. "Sorry about the kennel business earlier. So a quick checkup and a shot, what do I owe you? Twenty? Yahoo Answers said eight dollars, but that board was all over the place."

"That'll be eighty-five dollars."

And then I died.

So, the total for the cat now stands at about two hundred dollars for December, whereas before we moved, he totaled roughly zero dollars. And now every, single piece of paperwork has my name on it.

At least he's taking to the French lessons ok.

Until Next Time, Readers!

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