Friday, July 10, 2015

Unanticipated Side Effects

"Say what?"

 Afternoon Readers,

Just checking in during what looks to be our fine state's 800th rainy day this season. I'm about to build a sturdy ark, equipped with separate rooms for all the children, and go ahead and call this summer a wash. As my weight is also at a very respectable 800 pounds, it will be a very sturdy ark. Seaworthy.

Cresting week twenty-three in this fourth child journey, I'm most assuredly moving into the part of the program where clothes are no longer my friends, feet sightings are scarce, and the feeling of being a slowly stretched-out beach ball reigns supreme. Some women slip into pregnancy gracefully, shrugging each week on like a delicate, silk suit. Whereas, I tend to stumble into each, successive month like a rhinoceros wrestling itself into a corduroy jacket. That's not to say this pregnancy has been entirely hum drum. On the contrary, besides the usual side effects of being impregnated, some new, surprise bonuses popped up in the last week.

"I'm pregnant, just like you!"

Now five, Sundance is, by far, the most fascinated by the impending arrival of a new baby sister. Not only is she completely enraptured by the thought of being able to help feed, change, and put a headband on someone smaller than her, she's also convinced herself that she, too, is pregnant.

Sundance: Did you know I'm having a baby?

Me: I did not know that.

Sundance: Well, I am. I felt it kick me this morning.

Me: I don't think that was a ba-

Sundance: Then what was kicking me inside my tummy?


Sundance: So my baby should be here any time.

Me: Probably. Better start checking on deductibles now.

(This development is cute pretty much 99% of the time. The other 1% is when she tells every stranger in public that she's pregnant.)

"Wow, would you look at that." 

I can't say this experience was totally unanticipated. After all, my cup has overfloweth with "You've got your hands full!" comments, since about 2010. But I've entered new territory this year. Quite frankly, quips from strangers have never really bothered me. I'm a people person. However, there's something about a woman toting a baby on her front and three more in back that lend a special sort of enthusiasm to the whole debacle.

"Wow! Just wow!"

-This is usually accompanied by much finger pointing, smiling, or the face you make when you see a math problem after the age of twenty-two.

"Whoa, you're drowning in babies!"

-I really liked this one, mostly because the lady who said it looked genuinely concerned that I was actually drowning. Sundance tried to calm the poor woman down by reassuring her that, yes, she was also pregnant.

"Four? Wow! You'll probably have twelve next!"

-This one makes me laugh really hard. After which, I have to gently remind the commenter that having eight babies in one, fell swoop, next time, might actually make my uterus fall out.

"Wait, six dozen?"

-The guy at Dunkin Donuts, after my pregnancy brain tried to order six dozen donuts in the drive through, instead of just the six I really wanted. This comment has literally nothing to do with the kids, I just think about donuts a lot these days.

Until Next Time, Readers! 

Like what you read here? Buy some Cankles
And if quick bathroom reads are your friend, grab The Big Book of Parenting Tweets: Featuring the Most Hilarious Parents on Twitter!
And now that I've awkwardly made you my friend, come hang out with me on: