Monday, August 3, 2015

Making Books and Babies

The circles under my eyes are brought to you today by a toddler who likes to party at 3am and no makeup.

Afternoon Readers,

Last night, right before Husband I launched into season two of Game of Thrones, we had to do a quick check.

"So, how many months do we have before the baby gets here? Four?"

I grunted and heaved myself up from where I'd sunk through the cushions, into the springs, and desperately clawed back up to the surface of the couch. "No, only three months."

He looked shocked. "Wow, this is going by fast. You know, when you really think about it, nine months isn't that long to get ready for a baby."

One of my ribs cracked as I shifted my belly to the left a bit. "Oh, I don't know. By the third trimester I'm pretty much ready to give birth or be hit by a car, so I suppose it's all relative.  Nine months is actually ideal. Anything less, and you have no time to waffle over eight different colors of paint for the nursery. Any more, and the human race would cease to exist."

"I doubt it."

"Really? Women are extremely understanding and resilient creatures, but we'd be a much tougher sell if pregnancy came complete with charming catch phrases like, "Pregnancy: It's only a Year." Or, "It's like the Twelve Days of Christmas except its twelve months and you're fat for all of them." Do you realize, it took me two months to decide if I wanted to sign a year's lease on a Honda when I was twenty-two? And that came with heated seats and an ash tray."

He stretched his flat stomach out on the other end of the couch and bemoaned the heat before he said, "Nope, I think women would still have babies.

"I think I might un-invite you to the birth."


So here we are in week twenty-six. I'm successfully avoiding the Kansas summer and watching my stream of ill-fitting clothes dwindle to a trickle of just barely fitting shirts and a pair of shorts with a seam that just started to rip, yesterday. What Husband was right about is that this pregnancy is going extremely fast. Mostly because I have two big things to keep me busy.

1. The twins are going to school

I'm sure I'll have a lot more overwhelmed thoughts on this later, complete with a full-on emotional meltdown, after the first day. Anyone who'd like that event live Tweeted, please inbox me.

2. Books

It's a fact that when the blog slows down just a bit, it's usually because I'm in the thick of book production. This time is no different. That's right, guys, The Beer's Folded and the Laundry's Cold: Mostly-True Adventures In Housewifery, is making its debut in October!!!   

It's been two years since Cankles came out, so I'm pretty darn excited to share this new project with you. So stay tuned for more...


Cover Sneak Peaks


And me trying to birth a book before I birth a child. I really hope this baby knows I'm on a schedule.

Until Next Time, Readers!

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